Hello to all those out there in Forced-Bi land! Today we have another treat for you. I have the pleasure of speaking with the dazzling – yet disguised – Mistress Lux.
First of all, did I get your name correct. Is that what you go by?
“Yes. Mistress Lux.”
It’s a word that has to do with illumination and light. I’m looking forward to this!
So, let’s start with something basic. What got you into the world of domination and fetishes, in general – and forced bi in particular?
“I find watching men together to be really sexy. Several years ago, I was in Mister S’s – it’s a local sex shop. There was gay porn playing. In particular, I recall a gay locker-room scene. Without realizing it, I got really caught up in that. The guy working in the shop had to point out to me that I was standing there just sort of staring at it. I was mesmerized.”
How long have you been going at this?
“I’ve been a professional dominatrix for around nine years.”
Why do you think that the forced-bi fetish is so popular?
“Our society gives more leeway to women to be sexually fluid. It’s just that, for women bisexuality is more socially acceptable. But I think that men can be just as fluid as women. I give them opportunities to explore that.”
Are you an online-only Mistress? Or do you also have a “dungeon,” studio, or other space for face-to-face, in-person, or real-time meets?
“I do almost nothing online. I really enjoy in-person interactions with people. I work all over the country, primarily in Boston, New York, and San Francisco. I do a fair amount of phone stuff. I talk with clients a lot, but I’m not really involved in clips or Skype.
“The way I see it, making videos can become a totally different profession. It’s just not where my interests lie. For me, online content is primarily advertising—the necessary administrative work that enables me to do what I really want, which is in-person sessions. For others, online content is a bigger part of their profession.”
Do you mostly see new people every time, or are a lot of your clients regulars?
“Oh, they’re mostly regulars. I have more fun with regulars because we get to know each other.”
Are you open to having new clientele?
“Yes, I always enjoy meeting new people, but my schedule is very saturated these days. There’s not a lot of space for new people.”
Do you do this part time or full time, or something in between?
“Full time, besides being a graduate student.”
And are you happy with your current level of involvement? Or would you like it to be more – or less?
“I’m right where I want to be.”
Congratulations.
“Thank you.”
Do you think that true “bisexuality” – where a person is more of less equally attracted to females and males (but see a further question about problems with so-called “binarism”) – is possible?
“Until recently, any sexuality outside of those conventional things practiced by ‘straight’ people, wasn’t considered legitimate. I think this put pressure on LGBTQ people to claim that their sexuality was immutable. To say that that was ‘just the way they are’ and that it was so since birth were defenses against societal criticisms. I believe this isn’t universally true. There are perhaps immutable facets to our sexuality, but I don’t think everyone is necessarily born just one way. I think there’s potential for fluidity as we age and develop. Kinks and fetishes could be core parts of your personality, or they could be tangential.”
There are actually a few names for this fetish. I’m thinking of “coerced bi,” “enforced bi,” “forced bi,” or even “forced gay.” Which, if any, do you prefer – and why?
“Any really. But there’s a bit of fluidity between an illusion of coercion versus providing a safe space.”
In practice, “forced bi” seems most often to apply to men being somehow impelled to perform sexually (or to imagine performing sexually) with other men. However, in theory, it seems that it could apply to other things – for example, to women being impelled to perform sexually with other women – as well. Do you see the fetish as pertaining to male submission only or mainly? Or to females as well?
“I have personally never run across a woman looking for this, though I’ve worked with women seeking other sorts of fetishes and kinks. I’d love to work with more women, but they don’t tend to pay for sexual services the way guys do.”
That’s an interesting point.
Do you think “forced bi” would have the same “feel” to it, if you were Domming other women instead of men?
“I have a theory concerning bi-curious men versus bi-curious women. Men, at least submissive men who contact me, seem to want degrading interactions.
“Women, on the other hand, approach things differently. When bi-curious women kiss each other at a club, there’s a more romantic aspect to it, as opposed to an experience of force and degradation.
“Of course, this could be a function of who I am and what I do. Certain people will seek me out—people who may be a bit deviant to begin with. But I’ve found that the ‘forced-bi scene’ can often be borderline violent for guys. It’s coercive in a strong sense. Think of the initial sex scene in Brokeback Mountain. It’s heavy and violent, and the men who seek me out for forced bi tend to approach the fantasy in that way.”
Do you think this is a function of the societal constraints you spoke of earlier? I mean, do you think it’s a way for the guy to preserve his masculinity? To say he was “forced” into homosexual situations isn’t as threatening to his manhood as it would be if it were freely chosen?
“Possibly, yes. It is possibly due to societal constraints. Some guys may have trouble even admitting their curiosities, so being ‘forced’ frees them from that. But on the other hand, some guys just want to be degraded and kinky.”
What do you think is actually going on with “forced bi”? Does a guy actually change his sexual orientation?
“It depends. Some men may be closeted gay guys. I had one sub in particular who says that he’s never had any sort of fulfilling relationship with a woman. So, he approached to me saying that he thought he might be gay and wanted to explore that with me. Of course, he could have been lying or fantasizing. The back story he provided could itself have been part of his fantasy. And then, some guys might be completely or mostly hetero and just want to please their Mistresses.”
Those are very interesting points.
“On the other hand, it definitely can be a matter of awakening homosexual kinks. To try being with another man.”
You’re sharp, for sure. It’s interesting that you think about the guy coming to you with a pretend back story. And you seem to take it all in stride.
“Most of us who are in this are pretty smart.”
You definitely are.
“Just the way that sex work is treated, you have to be pretty humble underneath the Mistress fantasy. You have to have clear-headed idea of reality and fantasy.”
Don’t let things go to your head? Don’t assume things really are how they appear to be? Or how a guy represents himself as being?
“Well, in the case of the man I just mentioned to you, think of it this way. Our society is becoming more accepting of queer sexuality. Right? If you really are a closeted gay man, it seems like an odd choice to pay a female Mistress hundreds of dollars to ‘force you’ to do something with a man that you want to do anyway and that is becoming more and more socially acceptable, and easy, to do on your own—for free.”
Ha! Fair point.
What’s the woman for? And why spend the cash? There must be something else going on, for sure.
“On the other hand, after all these years I’m still learning every day about the absolutely vast range of sexualities that exist, the depth of shame people can have, and the seemingly illogical ways we all process it.”
Let me shift gears a little. Is the forced-bi fetish “healthy” or “unhealthy”? I mean, do you think that involving himself in this fetish is likely to promote a guy’s flourishing? Hinder it? Something else?
“It’s healthy on some level. There’s a range of fantasy, and yes, things can be dark sometimes. It depends on how far you want to take it.”
And you’re willing to take it in multiple directions?
“A session always involves meeting in the middle with clients. It’s a conversation.”
What homosexual-related activities do you most enjoy ordering or watching? Cock sucking, anal sex, kissing, rimming, cum eating, facials, creampies?
“When a sub is up for it, I love playing with boundaries. For many, many guys, kissing and making out with other guys is a hard limit. I obviously respect all hard limits. But I love ‘making’ them do it, if they’re open to it. It’s all about working with sub and seeing where their head is at.”
What are you interested in doing? I mean, how does a session usually go?
“Book a session with me in order to see how I work.
“‘How it goes’ involves verbal negotiation, and I also rely heavily on intuition.
“Consensual non-consent is a tricky thing to accomplish. But I’m good at what I do.”
I believe you!
But I’m just wondering: how “involved” do you like to be? I mean, do you keep things at the level of fantasy chat? Pegging? Or do you encourage real, guy-on-guy sex, too?
“It could be a lot of things. For some guys, it’s definitely fantasy-only. For others, it may involve getting fucked with a strapon. In other situations, it may involve inviting another guy into the scene. I’ve done everything.”
Do you have any limits?
“On limits, I trust the sub to take the lead on limits. Saying there is ‘no limit’ just means that the sub is inexperienced.”
How do you feel about guys having gay sex without condoms (i.e., “barebacking”)?
“I trust people to take responsibility for their own health.”
How do you feel about married men? I mean, do you think they have any business experimenting around with this fetish?
“Whether a guy is married or not is none of my business. They’re coming to me to not talk about that.
“Ultimately, I’m not responsible for their relationships. A guy’s marital status doesn’t matter to me.”
How do you feel about amyl-nitrite inhalers (“poppers”)?
“As far as they go, I don’t supply them, if that’s what you mean. But I tolerate their use, as long as someone is experienced and knows what they’re doing.”
Some Mistresses suggest that they enhance forced-bi scenes. Maybe they lower inhibitions or they, well… loosen things up.
“Okay. I guess for me it’s not a big part of the scene, unless the sub is into it. If they bring it up, most of the time, they’re not novices. Most have already used them. So, I feel like they know their own ability to handle it.”
I know you’re pressed for time, so I want to make sure I ask this: How can fans and other interested persons check out your work? Do you have any social media accounts or websites to share?
“My website is: https://mistresslux.com/.”
Awesome! I’m sure more than a few readers will be following up on you, with great interest.
Thank you so much for speaking with me! All good wishes for your studies!
(All images displayed in this post are Copyright 2019 Mistress Lux. They are reproduced here with express permission.)
For other Mistress interviews, see the following links!