Hi, again, to all you curious “seekers” and repressed would-be subbies out there in Forced-Bi Land! Today, we are chatting with an especially cerebral practitioner. She’s broadcasting on a high intellectual wavelength. So tune in to her frequency, stand by for transmission, and you just might learn something – in addition to becoming aroused! 😉
Hello and welcome! Thanks for coming by today!
First of all, what is your name? What do you go by?
“‘Mistress Holly GoLightly,’ but I go by ‘Miss Holly’ as well. Occasionally I’ll allow myself to be referred to as Goddess, but it’s not something I identify as.”
Thanks for being with us, Mistress Holly!
I’m eager to dive right into some of the juicy particulars. But let’s lay a little groundwork first. There are various adjectives, epithets, modifiers, or monikers that women in your area use. I’m thinking of “Alpha,” “Brat,” “Sadist,” etc. Which – if any – do you think of yourself as, or prefer?
“I refer to myself as a Mommy Domme but have recently rebranded as an ‘Educatrix.’”
Okay! That’s one I haven’t run across. Would you tell us about that?
“I consider myself a healer – one with a nurturing presence. Many of those I see are new to the lifestyle and have been repressing their urges for some time. Or else they are coming back after a bad prior experience. I give them a gentle reintroduction and help them recover from their past emotional scars – whatever they are.
“I’m also a bit of a sadist.”
Bwahaha!!!
“But if I’m hurting you… it’s for your own good!”
Have mercy!
“Most of my sessions include a heavy amount of education!
“I want those who see me to know how to serve me well, but I also want to make sure they know how to keep themselves safe when they leave. I go over many aspects of screening a new play partner (lifestyle or professional), how a scene should run, and communication.
“I also have a background in mental health, so I make sure to emphasize emotional safety as well.”
Oh? That’s interesting! Thank you for all that!
Based on what you’ve said, I’m wondering how you see your brand of Domination. I mean… I’m sensing it’s more than role play or a bit of fun. Is this a lifestyle? Social activism? Is it spiritual?
“There are so many things rolled up into who I am as a dominatrix and why I enjoy it. This profession truly ‘checks all my boxes’ for job satisfaction.
“Who I am in-session isn’t a far cry from who I am as a person; it’s a more exaggerated version of my personality. But it is similar to who I am outside of the dungeon. All smiles and laughter are natural – beliefs are the same.
Domination is fun, but it’s more than ‘messing around.’ I feel it can be therapeutic. Though, it’s not therapy!
“And it assists in self-discovery. I believe that as a woman in power I do have a platform, and therefore should engage in discussion with men who might not otherwise hear a feminist point of view.”
Thus, an activist strain.
“Taking notes from a few other Dommes, I have begun tasking slaves with reading articles and questioning their points of view on certain topics.
“My ultimate aim is to leave you better than I found you – hopefully with emotional growth.”
Fascinating!
How do you think of the people – guys? – who seek you out? Students?
“I typically refer to them as ‘slaves’ or ‘subs’ – as that is whom I frequently see. But, I ultimately leave the descriptor up to the person.
“I also see sissies, sluts, ‘lifestylers,’ cross-dressers, ‘spankos,’ and those who are simply clients. I don’t like to define someone before getting to know them or they have defined themselves.”
“Spankos?” Wow! I can surmise!
Okay – here’s an unimaginative question. But it’s one that I think helps readers form a picture of what you’re “all about,” as it were.
How did you get …here? I mean: What got you into the world of domination and fetishes, in general – and Forced Bi in particular?
“Once upon a time, I thought it would be fun to get tied up. After I actually started playing with BDSM and reading up on it, I realized that I fell more onto the ‘domination side’ rather than the ‘submissive side’ (especially since I hadn’t met anyone who could dominate me).
“When I first started into sex-work I was working via Craigslist Personals.”
No kidding? Craigslist! I remember those days!
In fact, we have several Craigslist-posting archive pages!
“Anyway… one of my clients convinced me to ‘go pro’ rather than continue dabbling, as I was.
“During a few educational Pro-Domme events, I saw some ‘forced bi’ and was amused by it.”
Oh, man… I will ask you to revisit that reaction in a few minutes. But, please! Continue!
“Now that I’ve been in this career for several years, forced-bi is a bit more of a common request, but by no means a primary demand. In general, I tend to go where my clients’ interests are, and therefore forced-bi sessions are firmly on my radar.”
Well… we’re thrilled to hear that!
“As many clients come to see me to fulfill forbidden fantasies that they haven’t dared to mention to –let alone explore with – their partners; and since many men see bisexuality as reducing their masculinity and status; I have seen quite a few individuals who want to experiment with men but can’t bring themselves to do so without being ‘forced.’
“I have happily obliged those requests.”
Mmmm! We hoped you’d say that!
Okay, practical question: How long have you been doing this online?
“I have been doing this online on and off for a few years now. I’m trying to get back to steady hours on NiteFlirt again.
“However, I much prefer face-to-face sessions as I love getting out of the house and into the dungeon!”
I was just going to ask about that!
So… you do also have a “dungeon” space, then?
“Yes, I have a private suite that serves as my dungeon in an otherwise nondescript commercial building.”
Haha! Incognito!
“I love my dungeon! It’s very warm, welcoming, and more of a domestic setting than most traditional spaces. Interested readers may apply to see me via my website: www.mistressgolightly.com.”
You talked about your goal of educating subs. But… what’s the goal for yourself? Are you aiming to make money, or derive pleasure – or both?
“It’s pleasurable, but I do need to be compensated for my time. I’ve invested a lot of time, energy, and money into learning my trade – to make sure I’m playing to the best of my ability, safely, and with quality toys.
“Also, I legitimately have a money fetish; so, money is my pleasure! I practically purr when receiving crisp, freshly tended bills.”
Do you, now?!?
How much of your energy and time does this take up? Are you… full time with it?
“It’s a side job. Though I do have a rich, full life outside the dungeon.”
Do you wish it were more than that?
“I wish it were a full-time occupation, and I treat as such as much as I can!
“I’m definitely a ‘lifer.’ I have a twenty-year plan that I’m slowly working toward, and I am always looking for ways to be more involved. Even after I’m no longer taking sessions (which won’t be anytime soon!) I have plans for teaching, running events, and perhaps writing books.”
Right on!
Before we move into the central area of our discussion, let me ask: Do you feel comfortable sharing anything else about yourself, on either personal or professional levels? E.g., How old are you? Are you in a relationship? (Conventional? Alternative/BDSM?) What is your sexual orientation? Etc.
“I’m 38, actually a mom, and polyamorous. In my relationships, we engage in power-exchange as well as non-power-exchange BDSM which I feel is best embodied with Midori’s[1] definition.”
Oh?! What did she say?
“BDSM is childhood joyous play with adult sexual privilege and cool toys.”
Haha!
“The dynamic of my relationships varies between partners, and I never fall into the exact same role each time. I have a background in art and psychology and enjoy combining those two subjects in my work or with kink as often as possible.”
It makes for a more nuanced and textured experience, I’m sure.
Ready to talk about Forced Bi, specifically?
I usually start with this. On the face of it, the fetish has two obvious components: “force” and “bisexuality.” Let’s handle both, but in reverse order.
Do you think that true “bisexuality” – where a person is more of less equally attracted to females and males (but see a further question about problems with so-called “binarism”) – is possible?
“Just like gender is a spectrum, so is sexuality. If you imagine a scale with ‘Straight’ on one side and ‘Gay’ on the other, I think that people fall all along it rather than strictly on either side.”
Something like a Kinsey Scale?
“Even the straightest of people will occasionally say, ‘I’m not gay, but I’d totally do so-and-so.’”
Haha!
“In studies of sexual practices, there is a category defined as ‘men who have sex with men’ rather than ‘gay’ or ‘bisexual.’”
The tendency with science is to approach a subject via “public” phenomena. That’s a good illustration. A person’s “orientation” is interior and private. But what they do – their behavior – is open to inspection.
“Additionally, there’s the literal meaning of ‘bisexuality’: being attracted to two sexes or genders. And that doesn’t have to be only male and female. There are also the genders of intersex, nonbinary, genderfluid, androgenous, etc.
“According to science, there is no such thing as a ‘gender binary.’”
I may try to go from heavier questions to ones that are lighter. In that vein, which of the following (if any!) do you think of the Forced-Bi fetish as? Lifestyle… role play… power trip?! Just a bit of fun? A game?
“I think of forced-bi as a game or a fun activity. And, sometimes, it is a power trip for me. But, other times, it is a fun role play. Or it could even be a lifestyle.”
So… it runs the gamut, you might say!
You know, I should have asked this earlier. But… since there are numerous names for this fetish, which, if any, do you prefer – and why?
“I prefer ‘slut training.’”
Ooh! Hot!
“Calling it ‘forced’ or ‘coerced’ makes the act sound inherently wrong or homophobic – when it isn’t.
“I will never make my subs do anything they didn’t already want to. And, clearly, they want to – which is why I lovingly call them sluts.”
In practice, ‘Forced Bi’ seems most often to apply to men being somehow impelled to perform sexually (or to imagine performing sexually) with other men. However, in theory, it seems that it could apply to other things – for example, to women being impelled to perform sexually with other women – as well. Do you see it primarily in terms of male submission, male and female submission, both, or neither?
“I see it in terms of submission. So, the same would apply to women. In fact, regardless of gender, you have submitted your body to me to do what I want with.
“‘Slut training’ is an act that can be demonstrated by everyone, just like any other kink.”
Fair enough. But let me bear down on the notion of “being forced.” You’ve said that it’s not a matter of going against the will or wishes of the sub. And we could frame something of the same point around the legalities.
And you’ve also touched on the ideas of educating or instructing.
But that still leaves quite a lot of ground. So… thinking of “training” – in your conception of slut training – which, if any, of the following do you think is most fitting? Coercion? Commanding? Encouraging? Enticing? Granting permission? Inducing? Persuading? Provoking? Seducing?
“For me, it means exploring your boundaries, venturing beyond your comfort zone – to try something new and get to know yourself better.”
Interesting! We might say: Expanding horizons!
“Now, the avenue through which we get there may vary.
“I will encourage you and educate you as we take that journey together.
“Perhaps you want to please me with your submission and servitude. Maybe you’re terribly curious to see if it’s as good as you’ve heard it can be.
“Perchance you’ve simply been seeking a safe place to explore the urges that you’ve been held back for so long and are seeking permission. Or it could be that you can’t bring yourself to give in and try it until you’re ‘forced’ to do so – at which point you can’t blame yourself for your actions as you’re not truly acting on your desires.”
That latter point is one that I’ve given a little thought to. And it’s come up in past conversations. Sometimes it rises to something akin to a guilt-avoidance game. The sub is merely carrying out his Mistress’s commands! So, he’s not to blame – as you say. At the same time, the Mistress can say: “I’m just freeing the sub to do what he wants to do, anyway – deep down. So, I’m not to blame!”
Let me ask this: Can or does Forced Bi (and related play) actually “change” a guy’s sexual orientation? Or does it have the capacity to do so?
“I don’t think you change your orientation as much as you go through a process of self-discovery over your lifetime and want to continually have new experiences.
“Some generations never had a chance to experiment sexually. They were forced to conform to a social script, and only now have the opportunity to experiment like they would have as teen.”
So… it’s not so much that the fetish is “Forced Bi” as it is that the society is “Forced Straight”?
“Often, there’s a lot going on psychologically and it varies heavily from person to person. Everyone has their own reasons, and I am always surprised by them – which is why I try not to make assumptions.”
The idiosyncrasies, n’est-ce pas? On a purely formal-linguistic level, a “reason” could be seen merely as the answer to a ‘Why? Question’. In other words, it’s just whatever a person would say when asked: “Why did you do – or say – that?”
We’d have to get to a different level of analysis or discourse in order to ask about whether there were such a thing as a “good reason” or a “bad reason.”
How about this? Is it possible for a guy to be a “switch” or “versatile”? (That is, to be able to take on the role of either bottom or top with more or less equal facility, if not enthusiasm.)
“I definitely think it’s possible. And I have seen it done!”
You don’t have the video, do you? (Kidding!)
“However, that isn’t true for every guy.”
Some cis-/trans- women profess to enjoy guy-on-guy sex. Straight women sometimes liken their enjoyment to that expressed by straight men, who like seeing two women together sexually. With “girl-on-girl” sex, it’s reasonable to think that participants are not always lesbians – or even bisexual. (E.g., they could be exhibitionists.) Others may just like viewing gay sex as a “spectacle.” A few (“dominant types,” perhaps) find the gender-bending and role-reversal aspects appealing.
Do any of these resonate with you? Do you actually enjoy the show? Or is it like pausing to watch a car crash? …Other??
“My reasons vary depending on the scenario.”
Fair.
“I’ve definitely enjoyed guy-on-guy porn as eye candy.
“In real life scenes, it’s more the spectacle – like watching a performance, though (not a car crash!).”
Bwahaha!
“There’s a range of emotions that a guy goes through. And it’s a range that one doesn’t often get to see because guys typically don’t allow themselves to be vulnerable.
“When a guy is engaging in same-sex intercourse they have to relax and let their guard down. You can see their defenses fall, the emotions shine through becoming overcome with feelings, lost in abandon – senseless – and then… they slowly come back to themselves.
“Sometimes… it is with a shock of realization. And you can almost see them pick their psychic shield back up. It’s quite something to behold. If it’s someone I’m close to, then I have a sense of pride: seeing my good boy being his true self; giving in to pleasure; enjoying his humanity and sexuality; reveling in the experience – despite the still-sometimes-stigmatized-and-‘taboo’ nature of the acts.
“It truly warms my heart! Pleasure is one of the rights of being human, and nobody should be denied that through the judgment of others.”
What do you think, does bisexuality decrease or increase a guy’s overall “appeal”? I mean… ceteris paribus. Or do you not have an opinion, there?
“Bisexual guys are people, and I don’t hold any prejudice.”
Is the Forced-Bi fetish “healthy” or “unhealthy”? And, here, I’m talking about its psychological effects. From what you’ve said already, I’m getting the feeling that you side with those who think of it as healthy exploration. Am I off base?
“A fetish is only unhealthy if it is negatively affecting other aspects of their lives, such as their mental health, livelihood, or family. As Lilyisthatyou says, ‘everything in moderation, drugs, sex, gin and masturbation.’
“If they’re using forced bi as a form of self-harm or risk taking, or if they’re mentally abusing themselves out of guilt or shame for trying such things, it’s unhealthy.
“On the whole, I’d say the act is neutral. However, it could aid in self-discovery and become a point of pride for trying something new, overcoming a fear, reclaiming a trauma, or accomplishing a personal sexual goal.”
Right on.
Here’s one. Do you think of any of this is religious or spiritual terms?
“I haven’t considered the spiritual aspects of forced bi, specifically. Though, I am spiritual and enjoy the transfer – and building – of energy during sex. (Think tantra and sex magick.)”[2]
So…
“It could be if you wanted it, but that could be said of any kink or sex act.”
Haha! Fair enough.
Nowadays, some people are opposed to the use of so-called “binary language” – e.g., thinking in terms of “feminine” versus “masculine,” etc. – when it comes to John Money’s concept of “gender” and sexuality. But Forced Bi, arguably, has a kind of “bi-narism” built into its name.
Do you see this as a problem for the “Forced-Bi” fetish?
“Again, haven’t really thought about that. But I don’t see a particular problem with it.
“Part of the appeal of the ‘forced-bi fetish’ is the taboo, or humiliating, nature of it. And those wouldn’t exist without the social mores to rebel against. We could still have the fetish if we classified it under ‘consensual non-consent,’ but it wouldn’t ‘hit the same’ as the specific focus on forced male-on-male action.”
Do you have any preference in terms of specific, homosexual-related activities?
“I don’t discriminate; they’re all fun!”
Haha! Okay!
Do you think that Forced Bi, as a fetish, is getting more popular?
“It may be. I feel like I’m hearing more about it and getting more requests. Possibly this could be because society is becoming more open to sexual exploration and orientation.”
Right on.
Do you perceive that the Forced-Bi fetish is being promoted in any way by the so-called “mainstream media”?
“That I have not noticed. But I also don’t pay much attention to mainstream media.”
A wise policy! We don’t blame you in the least!
Which do you prefer, having guys in dedicated roles, or having both guys being plastic enough to perform in any role you want?
“I enjoy having options, though I’m not going to press anyone’s hard limits for a scene.”
Thanks for that. That’s an important qualification.
Are you aroused by Forced Bi, or just amused by it?
“Depends on the scenario. I could be aroused, amused, both, or neither.”
Fair enough.
Do you think that a guy can “just try” sucking cock or getting assfucked and then quit?
“Yes, if they’re confident in their reasons for not doing it again. I have a wonderful, slutty friend who said they’d try anything seven times.”
Haha. Really? Why seven?
“The first time, you really don’t know what to expect. The second time, you’re still trying to get used to the experience. The third through fifth times, you’re trying to make up your mind about it. By the sixth or seventh time, you can give a confident answer.”
That’s curious. I seem to recall a particular strand “arithmancy” (so-called “divination” involving number associations) that some trace back to the fifteenth-sixteenth-century German occultist Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa.[3] According to Numerology-101-level explanations, the numeral seven is correlated with analysis.
What are you interested in doing? I mean… is it mostly fantasy-chat for you? Or…?
“I enjoy fantasy chat, but if you’re able to have safe in-the-flesh encounters, go for it!”
Oh, boy!
And how “involved” do you like to be?
“Sometimes I direct; sometimes I watch; and, sometimes, I’m told stories of their escapades for erotic-humiliation fodder.
“I do love photo evidence, though – especially if it’s a candid shot, where they’re lost in the moment.”
Aha! Readers: Take note!
What is your biggest focus/turn on?
“It’s about compersion – I’m having fun because they are having fun! My favorite kink is whatever evokes a fun response from my bottom. If that’s them engaging in male-on-male sex, then… great!”
“Compersion”? Wow. That’s a new word to me.
Let’s see…
Okay, interesting {reading from a quick Google search}: Coined in the 1970s within the utopian “Kerista Commune,” founded in New York City by one John Presmont.
The word denotes the “[v]icarious joy associated with seeing one’s partner have a joyful romantic or sexual relation with another.”[4]
“Vicarious,” of course, has to do with so closely identifying with, or imagining yourself in the place of, another person that you can feel like you’re almost having their experience(s) yourself!
That paints a picture!
On that note, what particular sexual acts, if any, really elicit that response? Or, just… anything?
“I love whatever they’re getting off on – especially if they’re participating enthusiastically, and putting on a good show for me.”
Awesome!
Do you have any limits? For you? For subs?
“Yes, I personally have limits for myself. And I do have limits for my submissives as well.
“Safety is always paramount, in all ways.”
Very good.
May I explore some details of that? For instance, how do you feel about subs “barebacking”?
“Condoms always. The only exception would be if you’re fluid bonded with your partner.”
Roger that.
I imagine I know what you’ll say. But… relatedly, some Mistresses insist on safety because Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) in a sub are completely undesirable. Others don’t care either way. Some even profess to find it a turn on to see a guy engage in risky gay sex. What do you say?
“I don’t like my toys breaking. Therefore, I expect my subs to take care of themselves!
“Rule number one: Protect the property. That said, I don’t discriminate if someone has an STI. With my profession, I need to maintain health and sanitation standards as if everyone had STIs.
“I also practice PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink).[5] If two subs wish to engage in ‘forced bi,’ then they have determined it is within their risk profile. And they decide which safety precautions they are comfortable with (if any).
“Also… I refer to STIs rather than STDs because not all sexually transmitted ailments are ‘diseases.’ Some are infections, which is a more inclusive – and less stigmatizing – term. Many STIs are also treatable. Additionally, I don’t use the term ‘clean’ as it implies that someone with an STI ‘is dirty’ rather than having an STI. A person has an STI, they aren’t an STI.”
Right on.
Again, thinking about Forced-Bi encounters, how do you feel about married men?
“I don’t care either way. If they weren’t seeing me, they’d see someone else to get their needs met.”
Any opinion about “poppers”?
“I expect anyone who plays with me to be completely sober.”
Respect!
How do you feel about guys really getting addicted to gay sex?
“The same way I’d feel about anyone else with a ‘sex addiction.’ They’re using it as a way of coping with a deep-seated issue, which probably needs to be addressed directly, rather than avoided with sexual practices.”
Have you had any particularly memorable Forced-Bi session?
“Ah. Order of Indomitus 2019. That’s all I can say.”
Good lord! Haha! Oh, to have been a fly on the wall! Alas!!!
Do you have any other fetishes or activities that you like to participate in, direct, or instruct?
“I’m a huge fan of CBT[6] and am probably best known for my spanking.”
Ooh! There’s probably a fascinating story there!
“But I also enjoy humiliation, ABDL,[7] crossdressing, ‘sissification,’ tickling, electro-play, fire play, foot worship, and findom.”
Mercy! A lot of those sound intense!
“Additionally, outside of the typical BDSM offerings, I’m also a certified Bondassage® and Elysium® practitioner.
“If you can imagine the deep sleepy feeling of a massage combined with that of subspace, you can only begin to fathom what a wonderful heady experience this is.”
Wow. I’ve never heard of those. But you can rest assured that I’ll try to imagine that!
Thank you so much!
Oh… before you go: How can fans and other interested persons check out your work or even contact you?
“My website is Mistressgolightly.com.
“You can find me on Twitter / X;
“Bluesky;
“under the name ‘MistressHollyG’ on Fetlife; and last but not least…
“NiteFlirt.”
That should keep readers busy for a while!
Thank you for speaking with us, Mistress Holly GoLightly!
Don’t forget to connect with Forced Bi on Twitter as well!
(All images of Mistress Holly GoLightly are Copyright 2024, Mistress Holly GoLightly. They are reproduced by Forced-Bi.com with permission.)
End notes:
[1] Midori is a Japanese sexologist.
[2] For entertaining entrée into these erotic arcana, see HERE.
[3] For an introduction to Agrippa, and nine (9) other influential esoterics, see this video.
[4] For a fuller exploration, see the summary on Wiktionary, HERE.
[5] For more on these, see HERE.
[6] Cock-and-ball “torture.”
[7] “Adult Baby and Diaper Lover.”