Hello, Forced-Bi land! Today, we have something …a li’l different from our usual fare!
We’re interviewing someone who will give us deeper (ahem!), um… insight 😉 into our fav fetish – from the perspective of a sub!
Hi! Welcome!
What shall we call you?
“‘Slave Riley’ or ‘Slut Riley’ (f.k.a.[1] ‘Toby Dammit’).
“My in-scene pronouns are ‘it’ and ‘that.’ 😉”
Yes! Very… impersonal.
“For my primary D/s dynamic, I am just property – fully Hers.”
Mistress’s? I gotcha.
And you respond to…?
“In-scene, with play partners ‘slut,’ ‘slave,’ ‘sub,’ ‘toy,’ and ‘pet’ are all good.
“I also have a Daddy dynamic and, with Her, I am ‘babygirl.’
“Property reflects my D/s[2] desire – to be an object, owned and controlled by my Mistress, all within a negotiated framework of power exchange and surrender.
“I’ve been fortunate to have found someone who not only allowed me to grow and discover new aspects of my ‘self,’ but who both encourages and embraces these new aspects.”
So… may I ask… how do you see your fetishism? I mean, is this a lifestyle, then? Roleplay? A spiritual exercise?
“For me, it’s really a combination of all of those!
“The lifestyle dive is influenced by a spiritual need for connection in a very specific way; I’ve always viewed Femdom and sexual/gender non-conformity as inherently political – it’s why they’re so often secreted and taboo, right?”
“But I also love to take on particular roles for my Dominants/partners and, obviously, there’s a ton of fun to it. Or, why dive into it so completely?”
Ha! I can see that! Though, I never presume!
What do you look for in a Dominant? And… just to be absolutely clear: You’re not-at-all Dominant, right?
“I’m not a Dominant, pro or otherwise. So, I seek out Dom/Dommes, of both the physically and emotionally sadistic varieties, to find connection with.
“What I look for is the ability to get my needs fulfilled, which is by fulfilling theirs. I have a number of lifestyle dynamics, but I also play professionally as both the seeker and, on rare occasions, as a hired pro-sub.”
How do you usually refer to these Doms or Dommes?
“I say ‘Dominants,’ because the power surrender is the key to my own satisfaction. I’m not a masochist, nor much of a bottom (in the sensual sense) in that my primary driver isn’t ‘sensation.’ I need a partner to accept my surrendering of power to them, even if only in-scene, in order to find fulfillment and provide them my best service/suffering.”
Thanks for that.
I’m so curious… how did you get into all this?
“Like many, I knew from a pretty early age that my desires were out of the mainstream. A big part of it was the emotional and physical excitement that being exposed to BDSM and Femdom concepts in popular culture would create, especially reruns of 1980s TV shows like ‘Wonder Woman’ and ‘Buck Rogers.’
“This was further affirmed the first time I saw porn in the form of a VHS tape… Anyone remember those??”
Haha! Oh, sure!
“…that a friend had stolen from their father’s collection.”
Sounds familiar!
“Rounding up a group of the boys in the neighborhood, he brought us to his house to watch, while his parents were at work. While it was generally exciting, it was when a scene infused with a lot of power exchange that I found myself incredibly drawn to the sense of ‘forced’ surrender that the female partner was experiencing.
“But I wasn’t attracted to men, so it wasn’t the actor (Jamie Gillis, a notorious porn top) that I was reacting to, but the Dominant energy he was putting out. Putting two-and-two together led to seeking out women with a preference for being dominant as girlfriends and partners.”
I follow you. Intriguing!
And that’s how you got involved with Forced Bi?
“Entry into ‘forced’ bi came by two different routes.
“The first was getting involved in the leather community in the eastern city I was growing up in – where my sexual orientation and needs/desires were secondary to my role as a slave. Pleasing was the directive – not enjoying – so, the gender/orientation of whom I was instructed to give pleasure to didn’t matter. In fact, it wasn’t allowed to.
“Although, it needs to be reinforced: I did give my consent to be in a place of ostensibly non-consensual expectations.”
I gotcha.
That was the first?
“A more intimate introduction came during college in Los Angeles when I had gotten involved in some fetish filming – some on actual, super-16 film!”
Oh; no kidding?
“I had an industry girlfriend who wanted to cuckold me. For me, the combination of having a partner whose sexual satisfaction would come from other men, and from me serving her – and, eventually, them (in the pre- and post-) – while also denying me most chances of direct sexual pleasure …was truly ideal.”
I think I follow.
“Even though I’m years removed from being an active sex worker – mostly…”
Oh?!?
“Lol! I’ve been an on-line presence in various kink communities for several years.”
But, your frame of reference is… in-the-flesh encounters?
“Most of my experiences are IRL,[3] and I have them with partners – pro and lifestyle – in a variety of locations and situations: their dungeons, hotels, house parties, swinging/kink societies, etc.”
Quite an assortment!
What’s your aim? Or…what was it?
“I’m in it for the D/s-structured pleasing of others!”
Fair.
“…which, in turn, pleases/satisfies me!”
Okay, that’s kinda what I was wondering!
Was this always a side …occupation?
“It’s a hobby – but, a very immersive and time/resource-consuming one.”
I can imagine!
“I try to help the friends I’ve made in the community with their various professional needs and goals – possibly by supporting them with some patronage or technical advice.”
Technical advice?
“I have a vanilla background in film production.”
Aha!
Are you… satisfied with your current level of involvement?
“I’d like it to be more, lol!
“I dream about being owned 24/7 and just helping to support our debauchery with my passive incomes.”
Oh, …really??
“So, if anyone is curious about an LTR[4] with a financially secure trans-femme cuck/gimp, hit me up. 😉 Not really. But… maybe.”
Haha! I can’t tell if you’re kidding or not! Lol!
Do you feel comfortable sharing anything else?
“I feel like I’m peaking now, in my mid-forties – old enough to know better, but still young enough to jump full-speed into spectacularly fun errors of judgment!”
Haha! I have used the expression “old enough to know better” a number of times when asked for my age!
“On the (sex/kink) professional end, I’m 20-years retired from work in custom-to-order specialty/kink film – and some limited, vanilla-porn. And now I keep my BDSM/kink/sex-play rooted in the realm of the personal.”
A lot of people would envy that position.
“I have a small pool of emotionally intimate partners, and a wider array of valued-but-casual play partners.”
I gotcha. Some people’s network is a mile wide, but an inch deep.
“Given that I was AMAB (‘assigned male at birth’), my sexual orientation was straight for most of my life. But, in the past few years, as I’ve come to understand myself as trans, I guess I’m gay now…?”
Oh?
“The interesting thing – in the context of this site and its subject – is that the change in gender orientation impacts only that lens of sexual orientation and not ‘who’ I need to be ‘forced’ to be bi- with, i.e. cis-men.”
I think I grok you. It only affects description of what’s going on – not who is involved.
“Last ‘interesting fact’: my Owner has had me in 24/7 chastity for going on four years, and I am almost exclusively limited to prostate-orgasms. …Which, to be fair, are fucking amazing once you learn how to ride the wave into them.”
Fascinating!
You mentioned feeling – in a way – that you went from identifying as “straight” to, well… saying “I guess I’m gay now…”
I’m curious: Do you think that true bisexuality is possible?
“I know ‘true’ bisexuality[5] (and, for that matter, bi-romanticism) is possible. I have many friends who are.”
Right on.
“Conversely, there are also those who are much less fluid, and are affixed more firmly to one end of the spectrum or the other, making the ‘forced’ component of the forced-bi kink even more resonant.”
Where would you “map” yourself?
“For me, I guess I consider myself passively bisexual? My innate attractions are with women, and it’s very rare that I have spontaneous sexual attraction to a man.
“That said, there are often cases where you’d be hard-pressed to spot the ‘forced’ part of the forced-bi scene I’m in. When I’m told by my Owner or Dominant to please someone, I am not going to do it with an air of reluctance; they will get my full, eager, and passionate attention.”
How do you see the Forced-Bi fetish, overall? I mean… is it a facet of lifestyle?
“In my dynamics, my Dominants have – I’m sure – various ways that they would define the role of forced-bi for them. But, for me, it is an opportunity to transport myself more fully into the role of property/slave/sub by performing something I do not desire independently.
“As I said, I will – when called for – fully jump into the ‘role’ of eager slut/toy for a man. But, it’s all in service of my submission to my Owner or Dom/Domme. It’s for their amusement – or, sometimes, to shock/titillate friends or other subs – not for my own exploration and revelation.
“I want them to be proud of how I perform for them – especially if it’s with something I wouldn’t necessarily ‘choose’ to do. My guess is some of it stems from my early exposure to leather-scene etiquettes.”
Wow. That makes a lot of sense to me – especially, the exhibitionist / performance undercurrent.
“In many ways, forced-bi is similar to pain play for me.”
I’ll have to think about that one.
“I’m not a traditional masochist, in the sense of being aroused by or finding enjoyment in the receiving of pain. I really dislike it. But I love pushing myself to deliver pleasure/satisfaction to my Dominant, and so I will meet them where their desires/needs are, and do my best to perform in a way that meets with their approval – whether that means taking a cane until I’m covered with bloody welts, or taking a series of cocks in my holes and milking them with gusto 😉”
Interesting. I had a discussion once, the central question of which was this. Can a Sadist really be compatible with a masochist? The problem we were wrestling with – intellectually speaking – was that, if “masochist” is defined as “a person who derives pleasure (sexual or not) from experiencing pain,” then a Sadist who delivers the pain will – underneath it all – really be pleasuring the masochist!
But, of course, if a “Sadist” is “one who experiences pleasure (again, whether sexual or not) by administering pain,” then a Sadist shouldn’t be too pleased if his or her actions were actually being received pleasurably!
Anyway…
There are, of course, more than a few names for this fetish. “Coerced bi,” “coerced gay,” “enforced bi,” “forced bi,” “gay encouragement,” “make me bi,” etc., etc. Which, if any, do you prefer – and why?
“I’ve always called this play ‘forced-bi.’ I think the whole debate over coerced/encouraged nomenclature is an overreaction.
“But I do understand the concerns that some – both inside and outside the community – have. It needs to be made even more clear that consent and agency remain a lynchpin of the scene.”
So… “forced”-asterisk?
“Having heard you mention ‘coerced gay,’ I now think I’m going to call it ‘coerced het’ or ‘coerced straight,’ for me!”
Haha! Fair enough!
Is Forced Bi mostly geared towards, well… non-female submissives?
“I think forced-bi play is mostly understood within the context of male submission. This is enhanced, I think, from the paradoxical combination of social pressures on women to deny their own sexuality, while also being (generally) more fluid in their sexuality than men.
“I have been a participant in a few scenes over the years where a bi-curious or strictly-hetero-female submissive was ‘forced’ to play with another woman.
“Rare in my personal experience. Definitely hot.”
Mmm… I can imagine!
We’ve hinted at some legal / ethical topics. “Forced” obviously doesn’t mean literally compelled by threat. But, well… what does it mean?
“I suppose I think of ‘forced’ play as being more captive to a ‘straight’ streak in kink culture, than any particular gender orientation.
“Given the omnipresence of heteronormativity, I don’t know too many queers who are interested in ‘forced-bi’ – as they / we are basically ‘forced bi’ by heterosexual expectations in society from day one.
“Not being particularly attracted to men, any approaches that a Dominant uses to ‘force’ me can be enticing: coercion, seduction, commands.
“That said, my personal preference is for a kind of (consented-to) physical ‘forcing’ – being reworked into an actual object, via severe bondage, mouth-opening gags, etc.
“Physical helplessness – a literal inability to resist (in the context of total agency and agreement between all parties) – is the kick for me.”
Oh, is it?
“Even though I am active in my agreement, I can float into a headspace of true powerlessness. And that is so hot to me.
“That kind of restriction in play is definitely not for everyone! And I don’t recommend it for anyone just getting into kink, BDSM, or D/s.
“My Owner and I have a blanket-consent relationship, worked out over years together. So, there’s a level of mutual trust and knowledge that can’t be replicated quickly.”
That’s a good point.
“And, even there, she often checks in with me before, during, and after scenes.
“I’m fortunate to also have similar lengths of trust and play with other partners.”
So, is that a hard limit of yours?
“Would I ever engage in that kind of ‘force’ play with someone new, off the bat? Absolutely not.”
What do you think leads people to do it? What is actually “going on” with Forced Bi?
“I think social strictures are so oppressive that, yes, many participants in forced-bi play are seeking a structure of permission to more fully be themselves, whether that’s gay or bi or something else.
“But I don’t think it has to be that. Some people are just comfortable, curious, and / or kinky!”
Is it possible for someone to be a true “switch”? To be “versatile”? I mean… deep down, so to speak – not just ordered to be.
“Absolutely! Just not me!”
Haha! Right on…
“…bottom only, thank you!”
And, what’s your focus? The exhibition?
“For me, there are three big incentives in forced-bi play.
“The first, as I’ve mentioned, is pleasing my Dominant with my obedience and submission.
“The second is pleasing my partner. No matter what I’m doing or with whom, I want my partner to be left so satisfied that they’ll be jacking / jilling off to thoughts of it days later!
“But the last thing is more for me: I’m a huge exhibitionist and love being at the center of a ‘public’ sexual performance, whether it’s a party of one (i.e., my Dominant) or an actual party!”
Mmm… Nice!
How does participation in bisexual situations – or Forced Bi, itself – affect a person’s desirability? Does it? …in your estimation, of course.
“Like everything else under the sun, I think the ‘attraction’ of being (or not being) bisexual is totally dependent on the individual.
“Some people wouldn’t dream of being with a bisexual partner; others wouldn’t dream of not being with a bi-sexual partner.
“For me, as long as my partner is Dominant and willing to cuck the fuck out of me, I’m good!”
Haha! I award “cuck the fuck out of me” quote-of-the-day status!
Is the fetish “healthy” or… not? I mean… from a psychological point of view.
“Again, this is coming from my point of view as a predominantly lifestyle sub, but …I think so long as consent is involved, it’s healthy.”
Roger that.
“Would it be healthier if society were more accepting and tolerant, so that people needn’t create a construct of ‘force’ in order to explore themselves or their desires? Undoubtedly.
“But that’s not where we are. And if I’m given a choice between people having to excuse or justify their exploration of self, versus their not doing it at all and just self-repressing, I think there’s no question that self-denial is the unhealthier of the two.”
Is there any spiritual element to this?
“I don’t know that I view ‘forced bi’ itself as a spiritual exercise – at least not for me. But, I do personally feel a deep spiritual aspect to my D/s dynamics and how we feed / service each other’s souls / needs within them.
“And, as I said, forced bi is definitely a way in which I can demonstrate my fealty to that connection and relationship.”
Nowadays, some people are opposed to the use of so-called “binary language” – e.g., thinking in terms of “feminine” versus “masculine,” etc. – when it comes to John Money’s concept of “gender” and sexuality. But Forced Bi, arguably, has a kind of “bi-narism” built into its name.
“I suppose it can be a problem to some, but it’s really one of nomenclature and terminology rather than anything with the exploratory nature of the kink, right?
“Ultimately, we all self-identify with concepts and terms that we believe represent us. To try to do that from outside for someone else is a fool’s errand.”
How so?
“If someone subscribes to binarism as a concept, then that is the construct being challenged in forced ‘bi.’ It doesn’t matter if someone outside of them does or doesn’t believe in a binary as such.
“But the truth is, what they are challenging is their own conceptions of ‘self’ and ‘desire’ – regardless of whether it’s called a ‘binary,’ a ‘spectrum,’ or …something else.
“The key is the search, the challenge to self.”
All right… here’s a fun one! What Forced-Bi activities do you enjoy most?
“So, confession time: I am a big, filthy slut.”
Haha! Oh! Here we go…!
“A proud, downright heaux.
“As I said, my general preference is to be bound and for people to have their way with my holes in a manner such as I can’t stop it or get away if I wanted to. But if I’m not in ‘object’ mode, if I’m in service-slut mode? Game on!
“I love sucking cock and lapping / suckling balls – feeling the warmth of a scrotum covering my face, or the soft-yet-hard flesh of an organic penis thrusting into my throat.
“Fuck my face, pinch my nose, slap me, gag me!
“If I’m not a drooling, eye-watering mess by the end of it, I’m gonna feel let down.”
Holy fuck…
“I’m very good at deep-throating. And there are few things better to me than digging my fingers into a guy’s ass-cheeks and spreading them, as I take his dick down my gullet just in time to feel it surge and spasm, shooting his load directly into my stomach.”
Mmm… The audience is getting a true, um… taste of what it’s like!
“While I try not to ‘top’ – ever – the one time I’ll do it eagerly is in a sub-69.”
Oh, wow! Tell me about that!
“I love the competing sensations of another sub sucking me while they are plunging their cock into my mouth.
“I’m an ‘ass person’ in every way, shape and form. I’ll spend all evening sniffing an ass before gobbling it up like it was dick or pussy. Pin my knees by my ears and plunge into my hole; ass-to-mouth is literally my favorite thing ever – anyone’s ass to my mouth. Everyones’s!”
Haha! Oh, my!!
“Because of my various partners, I do maintain safe sex practices but would love to have a really wet bareback party – like one of those Czech or Japanese places where my head / body is in a box and my ass is just a restrained cumdump for a line around the block.
“Since I’ll (probably) never do that, I am prioritizing a post-Covid bukkake scene.
“If anyone in the U.S. wants to start an American version of ‘Milky Cat,’ and is open to either a trans-femme or male-presenting sub, hit me up!”
Readers: Are you paying attention?!?
“Fuck; I need a cold shower now!”
Ha! I know the feeling! Maybe I need to update facilities with that feature!
Let me cool off a moment and ask… do you think the Forced-Bi fetish is gaining in popularity?
“It’s hard to know if it’s getting more popular or just becoming more acknowledged / tolerated. The ubiquity of the internet does grow things. But, it also can disproportionately amplify perceptions. (?)
“My guess is it is doing both – becoming more visible and more popular, or at least there’s growing curiosity.”
Mmm… Something else is “growing,” too!
But, seriously… what about the so-called “mainstream media”? Do you perceive any promotion from that quadrant?
“I don’t think forced-bi, per se, is being ‘promoted’ in the media.
“I think the notion of default gender and sexual expectations are being challenged more, both socially and in the media. And that creates more visibility to things like D/s, BDSM, and bisexuality – forced or otherwise.”
Right on.
So… you’re strictly a bottom? As in… could / would you even perform as a top if a Dominant “required” it of you in your capacity as a do-whatever sub?
“In almost any scene, save the dual-sub 69, I’m a pure bottom.
“I can’t even service top!”
Fair enough.
Does the scene itself arouse you? Or is it your submissiveness?
“I’m aroused by everything, so forced-bi is no exception.”
Haha! Okay, then!
“To me, the big thrill isn’t the actions; it’s the combination of serving my Dominant, pleasing my partner, and the affirmation I receive from my D/s partner/s for doing something for them I didn’t really enjoy, but still did well, in service of my commitment to my submission to our dynamic.”
I gotcha.
Here’s one from a newbie’s perspective. Can a guy “just try” getting assfucked and then quit?
“Sure.”
Simple as that?
“The only thing that changes, definitively, is the unisexual nature of the person.
“Even if a person only has one same-sex engagement, it’s still a bell that can’t be un-rung.”
Point taken!
“It doesn’t mean anything profound. But, I do think that’s the aspect of bi-play that fucks with people’s heads and causes some people angst before, during and after.
“It shouldn’t.”
So… the underlying – or, overarching – theme is the… how do you keep putting it? The dynamic?
“For me, it’s about the power – the surrendering of it to my Dominant and my scene partner …just becoming a willing (or ‘unwilling’) vessel for delivering their pleasure / satisfaction.”
Any particular acts that really charge your batteries, as it were?
“I’m fortunate to have an Owner who is tickled by my unbridled sluttiness and enjoys seeing me used. And used. And used …and used …and used.”
Ha! Alrighty, then!!!
“She uses ‘slut’ for me as a term of great endearment and pride in me.”
Let’s talk about limits for a moment.
Firstly… do you have any? Lol!
“Most of my limits revolve around consent, i.e., making sure no one involved in a scene has not given – or can’t give – total, enthusiastic consent to everything.”
I understand.
“Given that, I don’t like playing with people who are drunk, or …such.”
Anything else?
“Also: tickling.”
Ha! Really?
“I can – and will – do just about anything. But tickling is a trigger, and a hard, hard limit.”
That’s interesting! I mean, I wouldn’t have thought to ask about it. But, now that you mention it, I can relate!
What about no-condom scenes? “Barebacking”?
“I’ll never have bareback, anonymous sex. But, if a trusted partner has a bull or slave and we all do fresh testing, then …yes.
“There are few things hotter- / dirtier-feeling than being used as a hole and feeling that cum running down your leg after! Mmmmm.”
Mmm… Yes!
So… hard “no” to STD-risk-type scenarios?
“Just like I wouldn’t let someone that I play with lop off one of my limbs, I’m not about to let them risk my life / health – or my partners’ lives / health – by rolling the dice on STDs.”
Totally.
What about married men? Limit?
“I try not to judge people. Being yourself is hard.
“I do feel for both partners if the husband is having needs that they need to keep from their partner. But, it’s not really any of my business.
“In a scene, I’m usually just the hole they’re sticking their meat in.”
And what about amyl-nitrate inhalers? “Poppers”?
“Poppers are not my thing.”
Fair enough.
“I take size the old fashioned way – I earn it! 😉”
Bwahaha!!!
Nice!!!
How do you feel about people getting “addicted” to the scene? Or to gay sex? Is that a “thing”?
“I don’t think people get addicted to ‘gay sex.’ I think they can get addicted to sex.
“If the sex they are getting addicted to is gay, then – to your earlier question – they are either gay or bi and this wasn’t merely a curiosity or just a kink, or… whatever.”
Thanks for that. Just a few more…
Any Forced-Bi experience that really stands out to you?
“Not a session, exactly, but a cuckold relationship in my mid-twenties was the first time I experienced a ‘clean up.’ It was a ‘first’ for us both.
“When she asked for it, we were both nervous that I couldn’t do it or that one of us would hate it. We both agreed it was the hottest thing ever, and it quickly snowballed – ha! Freudian slip! – into a constant element of our dynamic.
“It remains one of my favorite things – in my favorite kind of dynamic: challenging, mentally and emotionally …and so intimate.”
Before you go, what are some of the other kinks that are, well… up your alley, so to say?!
“While my submissive repertoire is wide and varied, with a lot of edge-play, my favorite activities are focused around emotional sadism / masochism. These include cuckolding, degradation, fluid play, objectification, orgasm denial, etc.
“Pain-play-wise, I’ll take whatever a partner prefers. But, the only thing I actually like to hurt from is electricity.”
Right on!
Thank you so much for all the answers!
Any social-media – or other – links for interested readers to follow up with?
“I’m long (pre-big-internet!) retired, but… I’m on Twitter at @DammitToby if anyone wants to come by and say, ‘hi’!”
Well… that’s important if we’re going to arrange that bukkake-gangbang extravaganza, n’est-ce pas?!
Slut Riley, you’ve been a blast!
Thanks so much for stopping, um… bi 😉
(Stock images are licensed to Riley West from Shutterstock. They are reproduced by Forced-Bi.com, or its affiliates and associates, in good faith and with Riley West’s permission, under an implicit, limited sublicense.)
Notes:
[1] “f.k.a.” = “formerly known as”
[2] “D/s” = “Domination / submission”
[3] “IRL” – “in real life”
[4] “LTR” = “long-term relationship”
[5] Slut Riley adds this note: “Stipulating that sexuality and gender are increasingly understood not as a scale nestled between two binary points, but a sphere/grid with X/Y/Z axis. No offense meant to anyone who bristles at the oversimplifications I’m employing for the purposes of this discussion.”