All right, all right! As the New Year approaches, I have a special guest for you Forced-Bi perverts!
She’s a stunning Forced-Bi practitioner who has also made a name for herself in various, well… I think the phrase is “medical fetishism.”
From what I can gather, she’s very intellectual. So, I think the conversation will be an enthralling one! Let’s see!
Hi! Welcome!
So… tell everyone, please: What is your name?
“Mistress Violet Mays.”
Very nice to have you here, today!
How do you think of yourself?
“A combination of ‘Alpha,’ ‘Domme,’ and ‘Mistress.’”
Right on.
Is this a lifestyle for you? A pastime? Just a job?
“It’s my occupation and it’s something that satisfies my interests in psychology, sexuality, and the aesthetics of the (eroticized) body.”
Aha…a nice blend, there!
“It’s big part of my identity.”
How would you characterize it for the people who seek you out? How do you see them, mostly?
“Most of them fall into the categories of ‘masochists’ or ‘subs.’”
And that’s pretty much how you refer to them?
“I like to give my submissives nicknames. So, I use ‘sub,’ in general. But if I grow close to a client, then he’ll receive a nickname that is special for us.”
Readers: take note! Something to aspire to! Your very own nickname from Mistress Violet Mays!
Alright, so…basic question: What got you into the world of domination and fetishes, in general – and forced bi in particular?
“I was always kinky in my personal life, and had a very social sex life when I was younger.”
“Very social sex life” sounds hot!
“I loved going to parties and had multiple play partners.”
Mmmm…nice!
“I got into sex work through curiosity, and just being a highly sexual person. BDSM has been very important to me for a long time now. I was introduced to forced bi specifically through sissification play. Another Mistress and I threw sissy parties for a few years, and they were lots of fun.”
How cool!
How long have you been doing this? Is it mostly… online?
“I don’t do online play – except for now, during the pandemic. But, I’ve been doing in-person sex work since 2009.”
Oh, gotcha. Hope you get back to that, soon!
So… you also have a “dungeon,” studio, or other space for face-to-face, in-person, or real-time meets?
“Yes! I have a gorgeous studio that is private.”
Ooh! Sounds inviting!
How much of your energy and time does this take up?
“It’s full time, for sure.”
And…how do you feel about that? I mean… would you prefer that it be less? More?
“I’m satisfied.”
Well, congratulations!
Not everyone is in such a position.
Let me ask you a few questions about the Forced-Bi Fetish, itself.
On the face of it, the “Forced Bi” has two components: (1) “force” and (2) “bisexuality.” Let’s handle both, but in reverse order.
Firs of all, do you think that true “bisexuality” – where a person is more of less equally attracted to females and males is possible?
“Oh, sure! Forced bi wouldn’t be much without that.”
How do you think about Forced Bi? What is it, in your opinion?
“It can be a role play. And, many times, it’s definitely a power trip for me!”
Ha! I’ll bet!
“But, either way, it’s fun.”
What do you think accounts for the variation?
“It’s a profound and somewhat complicated fantasy for the subs. All my subs whom I talked to emphasized the shared experience and deep connection extending from the power dynamic.
“In their words: ‘What interests me is the shared experience with my Mistress. …I like the added depth of submission and erotic humiliation as I am submitting my mind and body to two people but answering only to the Mistress.’
“Serving the Mistress is always the stated goal, but the desire to suck cock could be the hidden agenda.
“Another said: ‘Serving a Goddess for her amusement or pleasure. The opportunity to be with another man without having to seek it out on your own.’
“There is also an incredible anticipation leading up to the scene: ‘The fulfilment of curiosity and stepping outside a vanilla world. Being bad or naughty is exciting, pushing my comfort levels.’
“In practice, forced bi can be one part of a sissification session, or it can be the main focus.
“One key aspect is the witnessing part. I’m playing the role of the Mistress forcing the sub, but I am also bearing witness to the act.
“For a lot of subs, the act of being caught is highly erotic. So, the fact that I am in the room – coercing them to please me – means that I am also the signifier of what can’t be un-done. There’s no going back after you’ve sucked cock or been anally penetrated.
“This can be humiliating for them, or it can be an expression of their inner slut, a sign of their object-hood – their total obedience to me. It is, however, always tied up with exhibitionism and voyeurism.
“In the words of one of my subs: ‘I’m doing this to earn your respect… Eventually more and more men – if that is your desire… To have you train me… I take pleasure in the fact that I am pleasing your voyeuristic desires… I’m most drawn to the idea of you watching me sucking cock and balls for you.’
“The statement ‘I am most drawn to the idea of you watching me’ deserves emphasis because that is often what I am doing: watching. Yes, of course, I have set up the scene, picked a male escort to join us, and am encouraging (or forcing). But, when the act is taking place, I sit back and watch. The act is performed in part for me, and this is (probably) where our desires most closely align.”
Thank you for that thorough and incisive answer!
The lion’s share of the quotes – namely, all! – appear to be from male subs. But, that raises the question: Is Forced Bi exclusively for males?
“It mostly pertains to male submission – but, could also pertain to females, for example.
“‘Not being gay’ – a.k.a. homophobia – is a much greater pressure on men than it is on women. So, the fetishization of gayness (that is, homosexuality as taboo) will likely be more intensely experienced by men.
“I don’t see women having genital-based anxieties vis-à-vis their own sexual identity in the same way that men do. There is a culture of homophobia that starts with boys and continues throughout their lives – from playing sports, locker rooms with group showering, ‘drinking with the boys,’ to certain forms of socialized aggression. To push back on this and say, I’m going to suck cock – but… only because my Mistress is ‘forcing’ me to – is a remarkably interesting way to explore that taboo.”
Right on. Let me ask about the trickier word: “forced.”
For legal reasons, “forced” probably means something less than literally compelled by threat of force.
But, well… what does it mean? There’s coercion, commandment, encouragement, enticement, inducement, instruction, permission, persuasion, provocation, seduction, etc. Did I miss any? Lol.
“All of the above.”
Ha! Go on…
“Our kinks are very personal. So, I curate the experience for each individual.”
Bespoke fetishism.
“Coercion is a starting point. Some of my subs need to be coaxed because they’re unsure – or quite terrified – while others dive right in, and turn into the biggest little sluts!”
Lol! Mmm…
“My sub Tony makes an important point by saying that coercion does not imply judgment. ‘The best part of the experience has been sharing that moment with my Mistress – being put in a position to be dominated, humiliated, emasculated – in an encouraging and non-judgmental environment. It is an experience that has no equal.’”
Quite an encomium!
Despite its manifest variation, do you think there’s some common undercurrent? What’s “going on,” at bottom? Does a guy actually change his sexual orientation?
“I did ask my subs about this. Again, according to Tony: ‘I disagree with the idea that it changes a person’s sexuality; sucking cock doesn’t make you gay. It makes you experienced, open minded and adventurous. Either you want to try it or you don’t.’
“Another sub, Brenda, wrote: ‘No, I don’t think so. I think you’re gay or bi or pan sexual way before you suck your first cock – or 100 cocks.’”
It’s interesting to think about how definition and word usage fits into the picture.
For example, I’ve known car-dealership representatives and insurance agents who bristle at the idea that they’re “salespeople.” One question might be: is a word like “salesperson” designating a function (or a set of actions) or a self-conception?
You know, so… if “gay” is just shorthand for a male who performs some bundle of actions (like sucking cock or getting assfucked), then – intuitively – it applies only and always to males who perform those actions.
But if, on the other hand, “gay” is simply a report of how a person sees oneself, then the word’s applicability is detached from any action or set of actions.
“Gender and sexuality are much more fluid for some.
“Here’s what my sub Miranda had to say. ‘If I’m gay because I enjoy sucking cock, then does that mean that, as a crossdresser who enjoys licking pussy, it makes me a lesbian? If it did, then I guess that makes me a gay, lesbian, non-binary, he/she, they/them. I feel that some people just need to label people to fit their needs, but it does nothing for me.’
“Another one, ‘bunny,’ replied, ‘I have not thought of this before. I do not see things that way, because I see a ‘gay guy’ as someone who is oriented towards sexual and emotional relationships with other men.’”
Interesting thoughts.
One follow-up question I’d have would be: If “gay” designates a combination of sexual and emotional proclivities, then does “straight” have a similar denotation? If so, then a male who is a “player” or “womanizer,” sexually – but isn’t “oriented towards …emotional relationships” with women” – wouldn’t count as “straight.”
Your subs certainly display an array of opinions, here.
“Sub Andrew does fantasize about me ‘discovering’ that he is gay: ‘Yet, with you as my Mistress I may become your faggot and learn to suck a man’s penis, swallow his semen for you, and take it anally. So, this would not make me gay – but bisexual.’
“His desire for women, however, complicates ‘being gay.’ So, he can only ever be a ‘bisexual faggot.’”
Ha! No, I see the point. If sexual attraction comes apart from sexual behavior, then there are all sorts of possible combinations.
A question, here, might be: What about a guy who dates or marries a woman simply to hide his attraction to men? A lot of people seem tempted to describe this as a case where the guy is “really gay.” But, to echo the sub’s language – mutatis mutandis: if this hypothetical husband guys learned to lick his wife’s pussy and give it to her, vaginally, this would make him not “gay,” but bisexual.
I don’t know; I’m just chronicling people’s answers! But it’s certainly intriguing.
“I do believe that the ‘gay question’ plays a central role in the fantasy – just not in an either/or sense.
“‘I’m not gay’ ensures their masculinity. But, ‘I have a fantasy that looks a lot like being gay’ gives them access to emasculation – including shame, humiliation, and effeminacy – which is erotic for them.
“The connection between shame, trauma and kink has been heavily explored elsewhere.”
Complex discussion! So many facets – from the linguistic and philosophical to the psychosexual and sociological.
Is it possible for a guy to be a “switch” or “versatile”? That is, to be able to take on the role of either bottom or top with more or less equal facility, if not enthusiasm.
“Sure; why not?
“Over the summer, I read a book called How to Bottom Like a Porn Star.[1] Aside from the highly useful instructions on how to be a really good bottom, the authors emphasize that being a bottom doesn’t make you lesser.
“‘This is the single biggest emotional stumbling block gay men have about bottoming: being labelled less than a man. For many of us, bottoming isn’t an opportunity to enjoy a pleasurable experience, but an act that threatens our sense of masculinity and the respect that goes with it. Many gay men believe that if they bottom, they will become ‘a bottom.’ The fear of being a bottom – for gay men – is rooted in the same fear as being called ‘gay’ is for straight men: their masculinity.
“‘Since the ancient Greeks, being a bottom and enjoying penetration was considered effeminate – a subversion of masculinity that was met with ostracism and ridicule. On the other hand, being the penetrator was considered normal and even idealized.’[2]
“And it’s the same with forced bi. It’s the sissy, the humiliated, the powerless, he who receives, who ‘is forced.’
“In the forced-bi scene, the sub is – in one sense – giving himself permission to explore his own desires, and that is liberating.
“In another sense he is reinforcing a patriarchal and misogynist culture where women and effeminacy are inferior, powerless, and using that culturally encoded powerlessness for erotic ends while still retaining his male privilege.”
I follow you. According to one academic, the Greek’s disparagingly referred to the male-passive – anal recipient – as a kinaidos. But there were other, less pejorative words (e.g., catamite), depending on the person’s role – and age.
But, as to the sub perpetuating negative elements of culture, let me make a comment in the spirit of the Devil’s Advocate. Probably similar points could be made about everyone involved in the “scene” – regardless of their role. To borrow a phrase from Jack Sparrow: the sub can’t manage a Forced-Bi scene all on his onesies, savvy? Ha!
It’s kind of like the saying “it takes two to tango.” Though, in the case of Forced Bi, admittedly, it probably takes three: the sub, the stunt cock, and the Mistress! Lol!
Here’s one on a more personal wavelength. A few women claim to want to date bisexual guys, participate in threesomes with them, etc. Others seem to think that once a guy tries guy-on-guy sex, he’s less desirable to women. What do you think?
“Bisexual guys can be desirable, sure. They’re just one type of guy. Whether they’re bisexual or not doesn’t affect their attractiveness.”
Since we’ve been flirting with psychology, he’s another one in that vicinity. Is the forced-bi fetish “healthy” or “unhealthy”? Psychologically speaking.
“It can be complicated if you are not reconciled with your fantasies and what they mean.”
No doubt! Do you mean, what they imply, or how they arose? Or… both?
“Someone could have gone through childhood sexual trauma with a family member and that experience has, for years, made them question their sexuality.
“A forced-bi scene could be a way to explore that experience. And then it opens up a whole can of worms.
“I have had clients that I care about disappear on me and spiral right after a forced-bi scene, because it fucked them up.”
Oh, man! And not in the hot way.
“Or… they might go through with the scene but then tell me that they hated it afterwards; because we all know that fantasy is very different from reality. You really have to hold space for that.”
Human emotions and sexuality are heavy things. I suppose we tinker with them at our own risk.
“For the most part though, it’s light-hearted and fun – sometimes super erotically charged and intense.”
Ha! Okay! Now, we’re talking!
“I’ve facilitated a lot of forced-bi scenes!”
I believe you!
So…thinking about the “good” time, what do you think makes it healthy?
“It’s productive exploration and self-discovery.
“Plus, it deepens the relationship between sub and Mistress; it builds trust, and it creates some fantastic memories.”
Right on.
Do you think of any of this is religious or spiritual terms?
“No.”
I was just wondering.
“Although… it’s does have a kind of transformative power. (So, I guess you could say that it has alchemical qualities.”
Let me round out the heavier questions with another one about language. Nowadays, some people are opposed to the use of so-called “binary language” – e.g., thinking in terms of “feminine” versus “masculine,” etc. – when it comes to John Money’s concept of “gender” and sexuality. But forced bi, arguably, has a kind of “bi-narism” built into its name. Do you see this as a problem for the “forced-bi” fetish?
“No, not at all.
“We understand more and more that gender is a kaleidoscope. But that doesn’t mean that female and male don’t exist; they’re just not hegemonic any longer.
“I like to play with gays and queer men. Most of my clients are straight, so that’s the starting point for the fetish.”
To segue into something sexier… what Forced-Bi / homosexual-related activities do you most enjoy ordering or watching?
By the way, I’m thinking of the usual: anal sex, cock sucking, creampies, cum eating, etc. But, also… kissing, rimming, tongue fucking, and whatever else!
“All of the above! …except for internal cum shots!
“Games with multiple bottoms – like docking, penetration with a double ended dildo, cock sucking competitions, etc. – can be fun.”
Oh, interesting!
Speaking of bottoms… which do you prefer, having guys in dedicated roles – one top, one bottom – or having both guys being plastic enough to perform in any role you want?
“I have no preference; I’ll work with whatever!
“Mostly my scenes involve a strict top and a total bottom, but on occasion it’s been more fluid and that’s lovely.”
Are you aroused by forced bi, or just amused by it?
“This absolutely depends on who it is and what my relationship with the involved parties is like.”
That makes sense.
“It can be absolutely lovely; it can be really hot; and it can also be just boring – especially if you are working with someone very narcissistic.”
Oh?
Let me ask you this: Do you think that a guy can “just try” sucking cock or getting assfucked and then quit?
“I think so. He might not like it.”
What are you interested in doing?
“It depends on their desires and how far they want to take it. Sometimes, it’s kept on the chat level.
“I’d love to send my sub into a male bathhouse and report back to me the next day. That’s on my wish list.”
Oh? Mmmm…
And… how “involved” do you like to be? Remote viewing? Or… more up close and personal?
“I do in-person sessions; so, I’m right there, coaching them, encouraging them, and making sure it happens.”
What actually gets you revved up?
“I like the power I have. It’s an extension of their submission to me.
“But, also, I enjoy the gay sex in its own right.”
What sexual acts, if any, really charge your batteries?
“I love it all!”
Haha! Sweet!!
Okay… limits! What would you like to share, here?
“I do have limits – for myself and my subs.”
Let me ask you about a few specifics.
Firstly, how do you feel about guys having gay sex without condoms (i.e., “barebacking”)?
“I’m totally against! Absolutely. It’s got to be safe sex, only.
“I don’t allow bareback sex. I work with male sex workers for forced-bi scenes – which means that I am ok with BBBJ[3] and cum swallowing, since sex workers get tested frequently.
“This of course would be pre-negotiated and consensual.”
Again, thinking about Forced-Bi encounters, how do you feel about married men?
“The majority of my clients are married men.”
I’m shocked, lol.
How do you feel about amyl-nitrite inhalers (“poppers”)?
“I like them. I use them consensually and in moderation, and really only for fisting – because it helps to relax the sphincter.
“I have used them on occasion in other scenes (like medical), but only when I have a very good understanding with my sub.”
How do you feel about guys really getting addicted to gay sex?
“I don’t have access to their erotic pursuits outside of the paid scene.”
Good point.
“So, I don’t really know.”
Thanks for sticking with us, by the way!
Do you have any other fetishes or activities that you like to participate in, direct, or instruct? I know you’ve got a reputation for medical-related fetishes, yes?
“Readers can visit my website for my list of fetish activities.”
Oh, right on. Speaking of…!
Where can readers go online to find you?
“https://www.mistressvioletmays.com/
“https://twitter.com/MsVioletMays
“https://www.sextpanther.com/MistressVioletMays”
What a stimulating conversation! Thanks so much for sharing your perspectives, Mistress Violet!
“Thank you to my subs who answered my questions and shared their inner thoughts with me.”
Ah, yes! That was an enriching addition.
“Shout out to Davis T. Hound for many hot fantastic forced-bi / bull scenes!”
Oh, right on! Any contact information for him?
“You can find Davis here @Davis_Thumper_H.”
Thanks so much!
And… Happy New Year!
(All images of Mistress Violet Mays are Copyright 2020, by Mistress Violet Mays. They are reproduced by Forced-Bi.com or it’s associates and affiliates with permission.)
Notes:
[1] Woody Miller, How to Bottom Like a Porn Star: The Guide to Gay Anal Sex, Woodpecker Media, 2014, https://www.amazon.com/How-Bottom-Like-Porn-Star/dp/0989139751.
[2] For some historical context on these points, see K. J. Dover, Greek Homosexuality, Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard Univ. Press, 1978, https://www.amazon.com/Greek-Homosexuality-Updated-New-Postscript/dp/0674362705.
[3] BBBJ = “bareback blowjob”