Hello all in the Forced-Bi universe! Today we talk to an alluring and cerebral British Kinkstress!
Hi! Welcome!
So, tell me, what is your name? What do you call yourself?
“Domina Jemma.
“And Jemma is actually My real name.”
Oh? No kidding!
“When I got into BDSM I understood very quickly that this is who I was and I would never do anything else.
“So, I wasn’t afraid to use my real name and face.”
Wow! That’s hardcore! You’re the real deal!
“It’s been over 17 years now, so… that was probably the right call, to be fair!!!”
Ha! It sure looks like it was!
That’s awesome!
Obviously, given your title, you have an affinity for the modifier “Domina.”
Is there a story, there?
“I chose ‘Domina’ as my title because, as a nerdy little girl, I was fascinated with the ancient worlds of Greece, Rome and Egypt. But, particularly Rome, where the Domina was lady, and leader of Her household – in charge of managing all slaves, and often the secret force behind Her husband’s power and influence.”
Interesting historical note! It’s not difficult to see the relevance!
“It seemed rather fitting, especially considering my plans to live in Rome one day…”
Oh, wow…
“…Which I did actually end up doing for 8 years.”
I was just going to ask!
“I was the first Mistress to ever open a fully equipped BDSM dungeon in the eternal city. So, I forged a special connection with my chosen title through that.”
I should say you did! Thank you so much for sharing that with us!
I’m guessing, then, that this is a lifestyle for you! Anything else? I mean… do you think of it as social activism? A spiritual activity? Anything?
Thinking generally of your role as defined above, do you see yourself as engaging in any (or a combination) of the following?
“For me, I would say that it’s something of a spiritual exercise. But, rather than a ‘spiritual exercise,’ exactly, I see it as more of an education.”
In the sense of “Enlightenment,” you mean?
“Through BDSM we learn more about ourselves, our values, our relationships, our sexuality and our true potential for pleasure.”
Interesting.
“When done right, it can do wonders for the overall growth of a person – not just sexual growth.
“There is a lot of mental and emotional benefit when we are able to be our true selves, even if only for a snatched moment here and there. And it’s important to me to be able to offer that opportunity for my subs, however rarely they are able to manage it.
“I suppose you could say that’s kind of spiritual, though I wouldn’t identify myself as particularly spiritual.”
No, that makes sense. I follow you.
How do you think of the people who seek you out?
I mean, some Dommes and Mistress use words like “beta,” “loser,” “masochist,” “slave,” “sub,” …
“Human Beings.”
Okay.
“I think it can be really easy to lose your humility in this line of work.”
Fair enough.
“You can make a lot of money; you have men constantly worshipping you, bending over backwards for you, doing whatever you ask. And you can reach a point where you take that for granted.
“It’s easy to forget that these ‘losers,’ ‘cashpigs,’ ‘betas,’ ‘slaves’ or whatever word you’ve chosen to denigrate them, are still human beings with complex human emotions and shit to deal with.”
That is… really down-to-earth and relatable.
“I love my job because through what I do I provide a safe space for everyone to be themselves. So, everyone I come into contact with is treated as a human being first. And I have zero expectations. The D/s dynamic doesn’t come until real trust has been established.”
That meshes well with the “education” perspective you articulated a moment ago.
Okay, so… roll the clock back for me a minute.
What got you into the world of domination and fetishes, in general – and forced bi in particular?
“I discovered BDSM as a teenager via a specialist sex shop I was nosing around in.”
Ha! That’s awesome! I’ll bet you were something as a teenager!
“I fell in love and started working professionally soon after my 18th birthday.
“I’m now 35, have been doing it for 17 years, and have lived and worked in many countries and cultures around the world.
“I have always had requests for forced-bi sessions in one form or another in every country, but there has been a significant rise in interest for these sessions over the last few years.”
I was going to ask that in a few minutes!
“I think that’s just down to the fact that it started as a very niche interest, but was brought more into the spotlight due to the ability to anonymously create and upload amateur adult content. It has become more mainstream as more and more people started realizing that their fetish was real and had a name, and that they weren’t alone in enjoying it.”
That’s intriguing.
The 17th-century French diarist La Rochefoucauld is credited with once having asserted (something like) that “people wouldn’t fall in love if they hadn’t read or heard about.”
Applying that to Forced Bi, were he around today, he might have taken an opposing stance – namely, that the availability of content has put the idea in people’s minds.
You have a different opinion.
Let me ask: How long have you been doing this online?
“I’ve been doing this ‘online’ for as long as I have been a professional Dominatrix. But online 17 years ago and online today are two very different things!”
Ha! Very true!
“Back then, ‘online’ meant a website, a few ads on classifieds and personal message boards, webcam sessions via skype paid for with a top-up card for your work phone, …”
Again… fair point!
“And the only clips you did were for independent, European production companies who usually had a niche.
“That was your lot!
“But now, with social media, clip sites, tube sites – and now, sites like OnlyFans and AVN, and the amazing cameras you get on your smart phone, the whole industry has become very content-based when it comes to marketing strategy.”
Do those changes suit you fine?
“I try to keep up, as there is no getting away from the fact that this is the way things are done now.”
So… you’re resigned to it?
“But, I’m from the generation just before the smartphone/social-media revolution; I appreciate the value of my privacy.
“I don’t think social media is very healthy, and I wouldn’t use it at all if not for work.”
Fascinating.
“I don’t have personal profiles anywhere. So, my participation in online income activities casual. My focus is, and always has been, on real time sessions.
“I crave a real and physical connection, virtual does nothing for me.”
At this point, I usually ask my interviewees if they have real, in-person meeting spaces or “dungeons.” But, you just stated, with all desired clarity, that in-person is your primary area of interest! So…
“My main interest has always been real time.
“That is, after my first couple of years as a professional, where I worked from hotels and commercial dungeons. After that, I have always worked from my own play space which has developed into a fully equipped dungeon over the years.
“My dungeon is my life, and it is constantly growing and changing.”
What drives you? I mean… I get the sense that it’s not about the money with you.
“My concern is both pleasure and money. In a capitalist society, it can’t be any other way.”
I won’t gainsay you, there.
“I wouldn’t be available to session with anyone if I had to work another job to cover the costs myself.
“Running a professional dungeon has huge overheads, and just like any other business, if I can’t cover the overheads with what I do in that dungeon, then I can’t afford to keep it.
“It’s basic economics.”
Aptly put.
“I love my job; I love connecting with people, helping them discover themselves, indulging in our fetishes together and being free and human. And let’s face it, nobody could still be happy in a job nearly 18 years in if they didn’t have any passion for it.”
Very true.
“But if I can’t cover my costs and earn a living from all the time and energy that I put into it, then I can’t afford to offer that service at all. And I enjoy it; it gives me life; so… why wouldn’t I?”
Whew! I can’t add anything to that.
It goes without saying, then, that this is a full-time occupation for you?
“It’s been my full-time occupation for 17 years, in countless cities across 3 different continents. And it has been the only income to sustain me, my education and my global adventures that whole time.
“So, how much of my time and energy do you reckon it takes up??”
That’s really amazing.
And… you’re satisfied? I mean… where things are you in your life? Would you like to be more involved? Is that possible?!? Less involved?
“I don’t think about or do any more than I’m capable of doing on a day-at-a-time basis.
“I’ll plan a few things like shoots, tours, events and what not. But I learned a long time ago that taking too much on can quickly lead to burn out, which is problematic when you’re self-employed.”
You said it!
“It’s about living in the moment and achieving a good balance.”
I’m curious about some of your personal details. Are you in a relationship? If so, do your professional interests spill over into that? Are you willing to share any of that sort of information?
“I’m 36 – in June, bi-sexual, in a relationship with someone who is neither top nor bottom – just one hell of a filthy, fun bastard who supports me fully in everything I do.
“I’m not much of a social person anymore, haven’t drank for over 10 years so pubs and clubs not really my scene. I enjoy spending time with people. I’m just most happy at home with my other half, my cats and 3 snakes.”
I wouldn’t have guessed that.
“Otherwise, I’m very outdoorsy. I love long hikes, camping and days at the beach – or, generally, anywhere in unspoiled nature.
“I’m learning to sail.”
That’s so cool!
“I’m really, really missing the sun since I moved back to the U.K., though.”
Oh, bummer!
But thank you for sharing!
Let me ask you a few questions about your views on the Forced-Bi fetish.
On the face of it, it has two parts, right? Something to do with “force” (whatever that means), and something to do with “bisexuality” (however we end up cashing that out).
I’d like to ask you about both of these – but, in reverse order.
So, first query: Do you think that true “bisexuality” – where a person is more of less equally attracted to females and males (but see a further question about problems with so-called “binarism”) – is possible?
“My personal belief is that nobody is truly ‘straight’ or ‘gay.’ I think sexuality and our preferences are fluid, ever-changing and evolving.
“They are constantly being shaped and adjusted by our environment, our culture, our religion, our beliefs etc.
“We also have huge and curious brains that are constantly seeking new stimuli. As sex is a stimulant, it stands to reason that the brain would be curious about exploring all aspects of it.
“Human sexuality is a shape shifter.”
It raises interesting questions about whether advertisers, marketers, and other – let’s call them, propagandists – can sort of tinker around with it – whether with an audience’s consent, knowledge, or participation, or without it!
Thinking about Forced Bi specifically, you have already indicated that you think of it as educational for the participants (and yourself, presumably). But… is there anything else to it, in your opinion? I’m thinking: game, lifestyle, pastime, power play, …trap?
“It’s got elements of role play; it can be both a game and a power trip for me as well. It’s also just dirty fun.
“But, more importantly, it’s an opportunity to discover one’s true potential for pleasure, and to understand the many consensual ways in which we can achieve pleasure.
“It provides an opportunity to be open, real and present.
“Thinking about it as a ‘trap’ is an eyebrow raiser, though. Surely, anything that could be viewed as a ‘trap’ calls into question issues of proper consent!”
Proper consent is a constant concern. It’s of relevance to much of what we’re discussing.
I’ve spoken to all sorts of Mistresses. And several of them profess to think of Forced Bi as a trap. (Of course, they could just be adopting a particular persona, or pretending.)
But, I think it is sometimes thought of it any of several ways. Some Mistresses think of themselves as mythical Sirens – beckoning sailors towards the rocks. I think, to Mistresses like this, they feel like, “The person coming to me knows I’m a Siren. He knows what he’s getting into.”
Some appear to think of it as akin to a sub who lets him- or herself get handcuffed for bondage play. Except, here, the shackles are psychological. The sub’s mentality or sexuality locks him into something.
Others think of it in the be-careful-what-you-wish-for sense. Some Mistresses seem to think, “He consents to Forced Bi. But, he doesn’t really understand the effect that this will have on his psyche. But, I do.”
But, it’s tricky, for sure.
Of course, you’re aware that there are a few names for this fetish: “Coerced bi,” “Coerced gay,” “Encouraged bi/gay,” “Enforced bi,” “Forced bi,” etc., etc.
Sometimes I guess it’s a matter of what words are permitted on a particular platform. But… Which, if any, do you prefer – and why? Any? Same difference?
“I don’t care what people want to call it, as long as they are comfortable with the word they use.
“While I appreciate that language is powerful to a certain extent, I think we’ve put far too much importance on identifiers. All the new language is confusing to most people, and people who are confused by the language won’t engage in conversation, and that’s what the world needs right now.
“As long as you’re not using willfully derogatory language, then talk to me with any words that you feel comfortable with. The important thing is that we’re talking.”
Okay, let me ask you this.
In practice, “forced bi” seems most often to apply to men being somehow impelled to perform sexually (or to imagine performing sexually) with other men. However, in theory, it seems that it could apply to other things – for example, to women being impelled to perform sexually with other women – as well.
Do you see it primarily in terms of male submission, male and female submission, both, or neither? What do you think?
“I have had plenty of women who have come to me as part of a couple. And they have requested to be ‘forced’ to serve a woman, orally.”
No kidding?
I’ve had at least one of interviewee state that she wished she had women approach her!
“In my experience women are often into a lot of things, almost as much as and sometimes more than men.”
I feel like you embody that!
“They are just not as open about it, as there is still a lot of stigma towards openly sexual women.”
Present company excluded, of course!
But, seriously, I hear that opinion, commonly.
Another aspect that gets mentioned is that men are more likely to pay for what they are after. Maybe it’s because women are more tentative. And maybe it’s because women can more easily get what they want without spending money.
I’m not sure. Interesting.
As far as goes the second core idea, the idea of being “forced” is a little vague. For legal reasons, “forced” probably means something less than literally compelled by threat of force.
Which, if any, of the following do you think is most fitting? Let me just list a few possibilities. “A. Coercion,” “B. Commandment,” “C. Encouragement,” “D. Enticement,” “E. Inducement,” “F. Instruction,” “G. Permission,” “H. Persuasion,” “H. Provocation,” “J. Seduction,” …Something else?
“A combination of a few of these things, I think.
“But, let’s be clear: the term ‘forced’ is strictly in reference to the fantasy element of the scenario, because nobody should be truly forced to do anything in BDSM.”
Agreed!
“There are definitely a few guys that fit into options A through to F. But, ultimately, I think most guys are genuinely looking for Permission and Persuasion.
“Let’s be real. Guy-on-guy stuff is the last taboo in male sexuality. There is still a lot of homophobia about, as well as incredibly old-fashioned ideas of masculinity.
“It shouldn’t be surprising that a lot of men might be struggling with their attraction to other men, or even just with their curiosity about homosexual acts. They see the ‘forced-bi’-fantasy scenario as a way to find encouragement and permission, yes. But more so to absolve them of responsibility for their actions, so they can live with the resulting shame.”
I constantly talk about D/s as a mutual blame-game! It’s a guilt-avoidance strategy, for sure.
The Dominant avoids feel guilty because, well… “I didn’t do it” (whatever “it” is) or because the sub “would have done it with someone else, anyway.”
And the sub doesn’t feel guilty because of precisely what you identified: “I didn’t choose to do it; my Mistress ‘made’ me”!
“And if that’s what it takes, then …so be it. Living with shame is hard – and unnecessary. And if this kind of session can help you take the first steps towards embracing your sexuality despite whatever complex nuance it finds itself currently in, then go for it, because life’s too short and we’ve all gotta start somewhere.”
Here’s one for you. What do you think is going on with “forced bi”? Does a guy actually change his sexual orientation? And, relatedly, do you think it’s possible for a guy to be a “switch” or “versatile”? (That is, to be able to take on the role of either bottom or top with more or less equal facility, if not enthusiasm.)
“I refer to my previous answer with regards to my belief in ever-evolving sexuality, the constant search for new stimulus, and how easily sexuality is influenced. And, because of previous sexual experiences, different influences will work on different people.
“I’ve met guys that got really into it for a while then moved onto something else. Some that scratched an itch once in a while. Some that did it once and that was enough; they were just happy to put a tick on the bucket list. So, everyone’s experience is different.”
Some women profess to enjoy guy-on-guy sex. Straight women sometimes liken their enjoyment to that expressed by straight men who like witnessing two women together sexually. And in the case of two women, it is reasonable to think that participants are not always lesbians or even bisexual. They could just be exhibitionists. Other women might just like viewing gay spectacles. And a few, more dominant types perhaps, seem to find the gender-bending and role-reversal aspects appealing. Do any of these resonate with you?
“To some degree, it’s a bit of all three.
“But, also, it’s because I enjoy being the person that helps these guys drown out the nonsense that keeps them from themselves. I help them to realize what they’ve been missing all this time, and to see for themselves that it’s just never as bad as you think it’s going to be – if, that is, you’re selective about what scenarios you involve yourself with.
“It’s fun, that’s the point of it, I make sure these guys don’t lose sight of that.”
A few women claim to want to date bisexual guys, participate in threesomes with them, etc. Others seem to think that once a guy tries guy-on-guy sex, he’s less desirable to women). This may be a difference of opinion between more dominant and more submissive women.
What do you think?
“I don’t care where you’ve been or what you’ve done; who you’ve fucked or what you have between your legs; I’m attracted to great minds and kindness, a wicked sense of humour, nice hands and a warm smile.”
Ha! Nice!
“The attractive qualities that actually matter transcend gender or genitals.
“I’ve always identified as bi, but most would say that I’m actually pansexual because ‘bi’ is too binary to describe everything I’m attracted to. But I don’t agree.
“I like boys and girls. I like boys that identify as girls, and girls that identify as boys. I like guys and girls who identify as both or neither. That seems pretty ‘binary’ to me.
“Wherever you lie on the gender spectrum, we’re still always working from a limit of 2 base genders!”
Is the forced-bi fetish “healthy” or “unhealthy”? I mean, is it positive and helpful for a male sub’s flourishing, or is it negative and unhelpful?
“I think…”
And… Sorry!
And, relatedly, is it possible for a guy to get “addicted” to gay sex? If so… how do you feel about that?
“I think we’re wrong to look at any vice in terms of it being either healthy or unhealthy, because the vice itself is not the issue, the real problem is the mental state and environment that led to the vice becoming a problem at all.
“Many people engage in a variety of vices in a balanced way every single day, but many people engage in vices as a form of escapism, to avoid the tragedy of their reality, to avoid responsibilities, to avoid pain or abuse, because they are consuming mind altering substances be they subscribed or otherwise, through food that’s changing their DNA, or simply because the physiology of their brain is compelling them to engage in compulsive behaviours.
“With the obvious exception of the few notable addictive chemicals such as tobacco or opiates, generally, it’s not the ‘thing’ that is addictive, it’s the personality type – the state of their mental health and their environment and support at the time. That’s why people are addicted to non-ingestible things like gambling, sex or porn consumption, and why many addicts may be addicted to multiple things at once, or substitute one addiction with another.
“Ultimately, when we engage in activities like these we have to take some personal responsibility. Most adult men already know if they have an addictive personality or struggle with disruptive compulsive behaviours.
“If you know this about yourself and go into this activity fueled by intense desire, then you should be able to guess where this is gonna go for you…
“As I have said many times, in this job, some things are just better left as fantasies. We all have to take responsibility if we make a choice to engage in what we knew were potentially risky behaviours for us. You have to go into this with your eyes wide open and own your choices.”
Here’s maybe a curve ball. Do you think of any of this is religious or spiritual terms?
“If anything, I’m anti-religious in that I like to expose organized and institutional religion for its part in using power, money and influence to dominate people’s lives and sexuality. And then, through that exposure, liberate people from the strict confines of their religious beliefs to embrace healthy enjoyment and fulfillment in sexuality.”
Nowadays, some people are opposed to the use of so-called “binary language” – e.g., thinking in terms of “feminine” versus “masculine,” etc. – when it comes to John Money’s concept of “gender” and sexuality. But forced bi, arguably, has a kind of “bi-narism” built into its name.
Do you see this as a problem for the “forced-bi” fetish?
“I don’t care, because there will never be enough words to describe every complicated and nuanced facet of human sexuality, and even those we manage to identify and establish will quickly become too numerous to recall. Add to that the rate that language evolves naturally anyway, and it becomes obvious that ‘the right word’ to call things is an argument we could debate for centuries without ever reaching a final consensus.
“We’d do better to focus on actions instead of being distracted by the importance of individual words.”
Thank you for indulging me with the philosophy! I greatly appreciated your thoughtful replies.
Now, I’d like to shift gears again and get to those questions a lot of readers will probably skip down to: Forced-Bi activities!
So…, um… what homosexual-related activities do you most enjoy ordering or watching? Anal sex, cock sucking, creampies, cum eating, facials, kissing, … “other”? Ha!
“All of it!”
Awesome!
“I just love to see people being themselves and having a good time with it. As long as everything is safe and consensual and those involved are respectful with one another then there is no reason not to enjoy anything they could get up to!”
I think somewhere on your website it read that there could be “no limit to the debauchery” if all is agreed upon. That sounds… intriguing!
Do you think that Forced Bi, as a fetish, is getting more popular?
“Oh, for sure! Viva La Revolucion Sessual!”[1]
Do you perceive that the Forced-Bi fetish is being promoted in any way by the so-called “mainstream media”?
“Promotion and being mainstream are a closed circle. Promotion inevitably leads to something becoming mainstream, but by becoming mainstream you inevitably attract more promotion…
“I would take mainstream media to mean television and major news outlets. Let’s face it, their representation of even basic BDSM in general has been piss poor so far. So, I’m not expecting to see big, informative and influential exposé on taboo & niche fetishes anytime soon.”
Do you have a preference between having guys in dedicated roles, or having both guys being plastic enough to perform in any role you want?
“I have no preference. Everybody has their place in the world.”
Are you aroused by forced bi, or just amused by it?
“I’m aroused by the fact that these guys are just loving it and going for it.
“I’m amused when they surprise themselves at how much they love it.
“I’m entertained when they put on little shows or compete with each other for me.
“And I’m thankful that I can provide a safe space for them to even try it at all, so I can take part in the fun too!”
Interesting!
I think you already answered this in basic terms. But I ask it of all my interviewees. So, I’ll put it to you directly. Do you think that a guy can “just try” sucking cock or getting assfucked and then quit? Or is it more habit forming?
“All the same answers of fluid sexuality and predisposition to compulsive behavior apply to this question too!”
Fair enough.
What are you interested in doing? I mean, are you encouraging guys to have real, physical encounters? Or is it mostly fantasy chat? Something else?
“I encourage guys to do whatever gives them pleasure in a healthy, safe and consensual manner. If that just happens to be forced bi, then I’m in a position to make that a reality – and will greatly enjoy doing so.”
I like it!
How “involved” do you like to be?
“I direct real-life situations and engage in a bit of fantasy chat through my various phone/web chat lines.
“But my main focus is on the forced-bi group session that I hold on the first Wednesday of every month where, through an application process, I select a compatible group of tops, bottoms and versatiles to attend the group session.”
No kidding? That’s awesome!
How does that process unfold?
“Using the information that they provide on their applications, I may partner them off within the group or get them to swap.
“I’ll make the call on the activities they do together, supervise negotiation and consent for activities suggested between them, as well as participating with my own strap on (and fists where applicable!) throughout the session.”
Good lord!
That’s something to, um…think about!
What is your biggest focus/turn on in all this?
“People being their true, sexual selves.
“No hiding, no masks, no games – exposure, trust, real vulnerability… true and meaningful connections.”
That’s something.
What sexual acts, if any, really charge your batteries? Just ….literally anything? Or are you partial to anal sex, cocksucking, creampies…? Whatever!
“I have to admit, as much as I enjoy giving these guys the space to do what they need to do and be safe, I really do get a kick out of giving you guys a taste of your own medicine.”
How so?
“You have no idea what work we women put into sexually pleasing you, and it’s so fucking great to turn the tables on you, have you understand what it takes just to try and swallow your cock, or to know the pain and horror of gizz[2] in your eye.”
Oh, I gotcha! Ha.
“It makes me fucking laugh to watch guys take cum in their mouth for the first time! The shock and horror of realizing how gross that hot sticky salty goo is on your tongue; that weird texture that coats itself over every surface of your mouth and teeth that no amount of rinsing seems to help; the horror in their eyes while they try to come to terms with the fact that they still need to actually swallow it.
“And, all the while, you can see the cogs turning in their head as they are simultaneously fighting against the inevitable collapse of their long held conviction that their wives and girlfriends ‘genuinely love’ swallowing their loads.”
“Fucking. Gold.”
There is an often close connexion between pain and pleasure! Like watching someone eat a jalapeño pepper!
“Personally, I consider what I do with forced bi to be a service to women everywhere.”
Ha! Nice. So, there is a hint of social activism, after all.
“Only after a forced-bi session can a man ever truly appreciate and be thankful for the pleasure that women give him.
“I’m much less concerned with ‘turning them gay’ than I am with giving them a wake-up call to what they’ve been expecting – and often demanding – of women for years!”
Let me talk to you a minute about limits.
Firstly, well… do you have any? Ha!
“Here’s the thing: there’s not a person on this planet that doesn’t have limits.
“We all have things that make us uncomfortable, make us feel unsafe or anxious, or have negative experiences and trauma that can be triggered. Even if those things seem so minor and insignificant compared to the extremity of the things we do consent to, we still have limits.
“So, anyone who claims that they don’t, whether they are a top or a bottom, is a dangerous individual to play with. Either because they’re lying – which calls into question the motives and trustworthiness of the person you are about to engage in extreme practices with; or because they are dangerously inexperienced; or because they are actually incapable of even recognising their own boundaries, in which case they are sure as hell going to struggle recognising yours; or because they going to struggle to speak up when they find themselves in situations that do actually cross a boundary for them, because they don’t understand it themselves.
“Those are the kind situations that lead to post-play blame games and confusion about where the consent lines were really drawn.
“I won’t even accept sessions from subs that claim they have no limits. It’s an irresponsible attitude to have about your personal safety, especially when you’re putting it in the hands of someone else you might never have even met before.
“But on the other end of that irresponsibility is me, with potential culpability if a sub then decides that I crossed an invisible line that he previously claimed didn’t even exist.
“No thank you.
“As I said before, go into this with eyes wide open, know yourself, know where to draw the line, so you can make people respect it – and own your choices.”
You have a very reflective and consistent set of views. I’ll give you that.
In your view, what do you say about condom-less sex – “barebacking” – and the risk of the subs contracting Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) or Infections (STIs)?
“My answer to both questions is the same. As a professional Dominatrix, but also a qualified and practicing sexual therapist, my philosophy is and always will be to promote sexual health, fulfillment and wellbeing. And these activities don’t do that.
“But, my opinion doesn’t take away an individual’s right to freedom of choice.
“I can promote safe sex, but I have no right to make that choice for people – not even subs.
“Every human being – submissive or not, man or woman – has a right to bodily autonomy and to make the choices that impact their body and health.”
All right. How about this…
Again, thinking about Forced-Bi encounters, how do you feel about married men?
“I don’t always ask. I don’t mind either way, though. It’s up to every individual to decide what is best for themselves and/or their marriage, and that has nothing to do with me.
“However, if I come across men that are in relationships and hiding their activities, and – if they are open to it – I will always take every opportunity to help and advise them on how to start these conversations with their partners. This may potentially create possibilities for play and more openness between them.
“Most guys, understandably, are afraid to even go there.”
I can imagine.
“Unfortunately, we still very much live in a culture of shame, and men and women are equally responsible for it. For centuries, men have made women feel ashamed about being sexually open by calling them things like ‘sluts,’ or even classing our sexual desires as mental illnesses. (Yes, less than a hundred years ago, that was exactly the state of play!)
“So, a lot of women are always going to be too afraid to show men how much they really want and enjoy sex. And even a lot of those that aren’t afraid and still go for it live a daily struggle with the stigma instead.
“You can’t even imagine the amount of guys I have dated that, the moment they found out how sexually open and experienced I was, just assumed I was cheating on them with literally every cock that walked past – which rather quickly and inevitably fucked the relationship right up.
“But women can be just as bad. We’re very quick to give men the ‘pervert’ card as soon as they suggest something a bit freaky. And that shame cut’s deep, too, because good men who are just curious about the stuff they’ve seen in porn, want to try something new and have some good fun and connection with the women they love don’t feel like perverts. And rightly so.
“The perverts are the pedophiles and rapists. Women don’t appreciate that that word cuts just as much as ‘slut.’
“So, until we all stop shaming each for being sluts and perverts, and just accept that human sexuality is vast and varied, we will always be too afraid to be honest with our partners about what we really want. And we’ll never get what we really want without pushing the boundaries of our relationships.”
After that very heady discourse, let me now bring things down to the ground a bit. Here’s a practical, session-related query: How do you feel about amyl-nitrite inhalers – so-called “poppers”?
“I don’t mind the use of poppers. But, again, it’s one of those things that falls under your body, your choice.”
Roger that.
Just a few more things, if you have time.
I suspect that you have any other fetishes or activities that you like to participate in, direct, or instruct. What all are you “into”?
“To be honest, I like most things.”
Ha!
“I could be here all day going through the list.”
Fair enough. Maybe just a few for-instance examples?
“So, if I have to pick favourites, I’d say bondage – particularly with ropes; all forms of anal play; cbt;[3] and electrics;[4] humiliation and degradation; kidnap scenes; breath play; enforced chastity; tease and denial; ….”
Oh, my!
“See!?”
Um…yeah! Ha!
“Look how long this list is getting already!”
Knowing some of my readers, I’m sure it’s not the only thing doing that!
“It would be quicker to say what I don’t enjoy.”
That’s a great idea.
“…Which is: scat, adult babies, insect/animal crushing, or wrestling. But that’s about it, really!”
Fascinating! Thank you so much for that.
Okay, so… for those who don’t already know you; or for those who may not appreciate the breadth of your online presence; how can fans and other interested persons check out your work? Hit me with your social-media and website info!
“www.instagram.com/dominajemma
“www.stars.avn.com/dominajemma
“www.adultwork.com/ViewProfile.asp?UserID=691721.”
Wow, Domina Jemma!
Thanks a lot for this! You’ve been a real joy to listen to.
For those looking for a domme who approaches her work deliberately and philosophically, look no further!
All the best to you!
Notes:
[1] That is: “Long live the Sexual Revolution!”
[2] I.e., “jizz”; cum; semen!
[3] CBT = “cock-and-ball torture.”
[4] Presumably, sexual-electro stimulation.