Hello out there, Forced-Bi pervs! Today’s interview was brought to you by a delectable, yet deviant, Domme.
Hi! And welcome!
So, let’s start with the basics! What is your name? What do you go by?
“My name is An Li. I like to be called Daddy or Mistress, depending on the situation at hand.”
There are various different adjectives, epithets, modifiers, or monikers that women in your area use. Which – if any – do you think of yourself as, or prefer?
“I identify as a physical sadist, first and foremost; bondage top second; and Domina and Mistress, third.
“The ‘sadist’ designation is pretty straightforward. I have always been a sadist and will always be one. I like hurting people and derive great joy and satisfaction out of it. It was my first pull to BDSM.”
Yikes! That’s hot and scary at the same time!
“My love for bondage was something that has been more recent but has taken a very strong forefront in my interests.
“‘Domina’ and ‘Mistress’ are pretty interchangeable to me and largely up to personal preference. They come third because my love for telling people what to do arose later on in my career.”
I get that.
So, let me ask you this: Thinking generally of your role as defined above, do you see yourself as engaging in? I mean is “Mistressing” just a hobby? Social activism? A money-making venture?
“I have lifestyle relationships outside of work. My partner is submissive to me, and I have ‘cleaning slaves’ and sub-type dynamics with people who are not collared or exclusive to me.
“In my personal life, I am still a sadist. I enjoy what I do and my personality within sessions is not acting.
“There are certainly enhanced elements of it, but it draws from a very real source.
“This is not to say that I am Dominant 24/7. Sometimes I am just plain old vanilla (since topping people can be incredibly exhausting).
“I am never, ever submissive or a bottom.
“I would like to say that there are social-activist and spiritual elements to it, because it sounds so grand (and there certainly are times when these are at the forefront of my Femdom experience). But these elements do not make up the grand majority of my BDSM interactions.
“I do what I do because it’s fun and it makes me happy, and any other ideologies that may happen during that time are more happy side effects than anything else.
“Ironically enough, I am very socially activist and spiritually focused, and many things I do fall in tandem with that, but my Femdom work started mostly out of curiosity and pleasure.”
That’s a complex tissue of motivations. I appreciate the subtlety of the answer.
Here’s a question on the other side of the fence. People who seek you out – there are a number of words that may be used to describe them. I’m thinking of “beta,” “loser,” “sub,” and the like of those. What word or words do you prefer for these kinds of people? And… why?
“Typically, I use ‘masochists,’ ‘slaves,’ ‘subs,’ and ‘bottoms’ the most.
“They fall most within the line of clientele that I am best suited for as a sadist, bondage top, and Mistress – to hurt, to boss around, to control, and to subjugate.
“I’ve seen literally every single type of client, from losers to betas to cucks to sissies to fetishists and have had great times all around.
“My catch-all phrase when referring to bottoms in any situation is to refer to them as ‘subbies,’ but that does not necessarily entail that they are all submissive. I like the term because it’s cute and endearing.”
“Subbies.” I like that.
All right. So, here’s the most expected question, probably. What got you into the world of domination and fetishes, in general – and forced bi in particular?
“One of my good friends actually recommended this line of work to me by means of a Facebook post. Someone was looking for a Dominatrix for their boss…”
Um! Ha! It seems like there’s a story, there!
“Complicated work boundaries, that one.”
No kidding!
“I was working in a job that I hated. It was well-paying and had an incredibly promising financial trajectory, but I wasn’t happy. I talked to the potential client, was super interested in what he was saying, but didn’t know how to handle the entire interaction.
“Was I asking for enough money? Did I have to dominate him during our consultation? Could I safely do cock-and-ball torture?
“I did more research and found out that most ProDommes in the US apprentice at ‘dungeons.’ I found the closest dungeon to me, applied that day, started working the following month, and realized I loved it.
“I transitioned out of my last job and made a vow to myself to make this job lucrative within two years’ time.
“It worked! I have zero regrets about it, and it has easily been one of the best choices I’ve made in my life.”
Congratulations! Sincerely.
“Ironically enough, I later found out that my very good friend who recommended I do this work actually had a very strong submissive side that I never knew about. I guess she knew what to look for!”
Oh, my! That is, interesting!
So, Mistress Simone Justice recommended that I reach out you. And I found you online, of course. How long have you been doing this in that ‘venue’?
“Since 2013.”
Right on.
Do you also have a dungeon yourself, now? See people in person?
“Sure do! I mostly session in Los Angeles in DTLA at a couple of private studios. I also travel regularly to San Francisco / Oakland, New York, Washington D.C., and Boston.”
How can prospective clients get in touch?
“You can apply to serve me at my website: www.youremybit.ch/contact/.”
I like what you did with the domain extension!
What’s the motivator? You said earlier that you do this stuff because it makes you happy. Is that the main thing for you, then? Are you aiming to derive pleasure first and foremost, and money is secondary? Or it is an occupation first?
“Money and pleasure!
“I’m so lucky to have a job that I love that also pays extremely well. Definitely makes my day-to-day a lot more tolerable. 😉”
I hear you, there.
That’s great! Good for you!
How much of your energy and time does this take up?
“It’s a full-time job, babe!”
I figured. Awesome!
“Real-time sessions, videos, cam, phone sex, texting lines, on top of all the social media and general admin it takes to run a one-person business. It’s a lot of work and emotional effort.”
Yeah, no… I completely understand.
I think I can guess this next one, but …are you satisfied with this level of involvement? You want it to be more or less?
“It’s a lot of work but it’s been paying off.
“At some point, I’d love to take another two-month vacation and disappear off the grid for a bit. But I also really love making money.”
Again, I hear you, there.
Do you feel comfortable sharing anything else about yourself, on either personal or professional levels?
“I’m currently 29 years old and identify as queer in a female-led relationship. He started off as my cleaning slave and then progressed into being my subby partner.
“If you’ve watched any of my videos, you might recognize him as slave gimpy.
“Our dynamic is a bit more casual; we rarely do high protocol anymore and our day-to-day looks like most vanilla relationships. But we do have very strong elements of Femdom and kink, hence me defining it as FLR.
“Ultimately, I call the shots in the relationship.”
Fascinating!
Let me segue a little into some more theoretical questions.
Do you think that true “bisexuality” – where a person is more of less equally attracted to females and males (but see a further question about problems with so-called “binarism”) – is possible?
“Definitely. All types of people exist.
“How is this even a question? Isn’t this factually true already?”
Oh, it seems to depend on the perspective one takes.
To hear some Mistresses tell it, the word “bisexuality” – at least in the context of this fetish, or in their experience with guys involved in this fetish – is just window dressing. A fair few that I have interviewed or otherwise interacted with express the opinion that guys are either gay or straight, period.
So, to these practitioners, a straight “subbie” might submit to forced bi for humiliation or out of obedience. And a latently gay one might use the fetish as a method to work up the courage – or have the excuse or “permission” – to act on desires he’s always had bubbling beneath the surface.
But, no, to people with these views, “bisexuality” seems like Central America: a tiny isthmus separately two large continents – North and South America, representing heterosexuality and homosexuality – where the majority of people are.
I’m not going to stake a position. I’m just mapping the intellectual terrain, so to speak. For interested readers, there’s a few articles on Forced-Bi.com touching on these themes. For example, HERE and HERE.
Earlier, I asked you about what you thought of your “fetishistic entanglements,” generally speaking. But now I am keen to sharpen up the question of how you think of the Forced-Bi fetish, in particular. Is it a business, game, pastime, role play, a trap, and so on?
“I think Forced Bi, like every other fetish, can be thought of in literally any way. It just depends on how you carry it out and your intent.
“I know of plenty of people who use it within their lifestyle or pastimes. I’ve also definitely used it as a role play, a power trip, a game, a trap, for fun… It really just depends on my mood.”
Here’s one on terminology. There are actually a few names for this fetish. “Coerced bi,” “encouraged bi,” “enforced bi,” “forced bi,” etc. Which, if any, do you prefer – and why?
“Lol. You do know that the reason those different names exist is because banking processors block the use of certain words, right? They all mean ‘forced bi.’”
It’s always interesting to me to sift through different “takes” on the same questions.
No, in practice, “forced bi” seems most often to apply to men being somehow impelled to perform sexually (or to imagine performing sexually) with other men. However, in theory, it seems that it could apply to other things – for example, to women being impelled to perform sexually with other women – as well.
“It could definitely apply to everyone. The reason I apply it for men-to-men scenes is because those are the requests I get for it, and because of social stigma.
“Women are statistically more flexible and openminded about their sexuality, so ‘forcing’ a woman to fuck another woman is less common.”
Makes sense. In principle, it could also apply to “forcing” a gay man to have sex with a woman, or other activities in that vicinity.
But, yeah, it’s common for me to hear that those just aren’t the requests that Doms and Dommes are getting.
Going on to the second core idea, the idea of being “forced” is a little vague. For legal reasons, “forced” probably means something less than literally compelled by threat of force. Which, if any, of the following do you think is most fitting? If possible, please answer in your own words!
“Like with any fetish, I think it is what you make of it and what personally gets you off. In regards to forced bi, I also think it’s whatever will work to get the man to suck a dick, lol.
“Be it through threatening coercion, strict commandment, sweet encouragement, sensual seduction, straightforward education …I never limit myself to one style or approach. I find what works with the person and use whatever it takes to make me effective.”
The ends-justifies-the-means type of thing? Fair enough.
What do you think is going on with “forced bi”? Does a guy actually change his sexual orientation?
“I think the majority of the people who come to me have repressed bisexual feelings and this is a way for them to explore that without feeling ashamed about their own preferences.
“I also do think some of them really just want to do something that actively disgusts them, and that their sexual preference is more about the humiliation than it is about the other man. It all depends.
“I buy into the concept that sexuality is fluid and what may be true at one given moment may be different at another.”
Is it possible for a guy to be a “switch” or “versatile”? (That is, to be able to take on the role of either bottom or top with more or less equal facility, if not enthusiasm.)
“Sure.
“But …I think male tops are gross.
“Better to just be a bitch. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”
That’s kinda hot to hear you put it that way! Lol.
Some women profess to enjoy guy-on-guy sex. Straight women sometimes liken their enjoyment to that expressed by straight men who like witnessing two women together sexually. And in the case of two women, it is reasonable to think that participants are not always lesbians or even bisexual. They could just be “attention whores.” Other women might just like viewing gay spectacles. And a few, more dominant types perhaps, seem to find the gender-bending and role-reversal aspects appealing. Do any of these resonate with you?
“I don’t like the derogatory use of ‘attention whores’ when talking about these two women. Why not just call it exhibitionist?”
Duly noted!
“A couple of my forced-bi clients are very much exhibitionists. They like to strut their stuff and show off, and I think they definitely get a rush out of performing in front of a crowd.
“Exhibitionists aren’t limited to just forced-bi fetishists, however. Masochists, foot fetishists, toilets – kinks of all kinds – also have exhibitionist tendencies that drive them to do ‘extreme’ activities in front of others.”
A few women claim to want to date bisexual guys, participate in threesomes with them, etc. Others seem to think that once a guy tries guy-on-guy sex, he’s less desirable to women). This may be a difference of opinion between more dominant and more submissive women. What do you think?
“I don’t care if a man has fucked other men before me. If anything, I applaud him for having the courage to try and explore that side of himself. I’ve dated bi men in the past and it has not affected my views of them at all.”
Okay!
Is the forced-bi fetish “healthy” or “unhealthy”? (Here, I am really thinking of the question of whether it is positive and helpful for a male sub’s flourishing, or is it negative and unhelpful?)
“It’s healthy if it’s done in a way that either promotes your own personal growth or understanding, doesn’t negatively impact you in the long run, and is something you want to explore.
“Like anything else, any activity can be unhealthy if done compulsively.”
Do you think of any of this is religious or spiritual terms?
“I have had clients where forced bi helped them come out, so I do occasionally see it as something that can be spiritually uplifting. But I do think the majority of people I see just want to be dirty cumsluts, soooo…”
And… now it’s getting hot in here, again.
Nowadays, some people are opposed to the use of so-called “binary language” – e.g., thinking in terms of “feminine” versus “masculine,” etc. – when it comes to John Money’s concept of “gender” and sexuality. But forced bi, arguably, has a kind of “bi-narism” built into its name. Do you see this as a problem for the “forced-bi” fetish?
“BDSM play is not meant to be very politically correct. If it were, then we wouldn’t be beating people black and blue, humiliating them until they cry, and threatening the worst of the worst on them.
“While inclusivity is important, BDSM thrives on parodying societal tropes, for the better or for the worse.
“Maybe forced bi will change in fifty years when we are a more inclusive world, but for now, plenty of people are being told that it’s wrong to be gay – hence the sexualization of it.”
Interesting. Bastienne Cross recently made similar remarks to me on this question.
All right. Here come some of the “crowd-pleaser” questions.
What homosexual-related activities do you most enjoy ordering or watching?
“Rimming, followed by deep throating, cum swallowing, teabagging, and ass fucking.”
Oh, my. I guess that makes sense, given your sadistic bent. Why just have a subbie anally fucked, when you can order him to lick man ass, too?
“I just think rimming is hilarious because men can have such hairy buttholes.”
Right! Unless they shave 😉
Do you think that Forced Bi, as a fetish, is getting more popular?
“I have no idea. It seems to be more popular on clips sites now.”
That’s kind of what I noticed.
Do you perceive that the Forced-Bi fetish is being promoted in any way by the so-called “mainstream media”?
“Not that I have noticed.”
Right on.
Which do you prefer, having guys in dedicated roles, or having both guys being plastic enough to perform in any role I want?
“I don’t care either way.”
Gotcha.
“As long as they don’t switch or top.”
Oh, right: because male tops are gross!
I’m curious, then… are you aroused by forced bi, or just amused by it?
“Mostly amused by it because all the men who ask to do it are pretty unfuckable to me. Occasionally I’ll get two very hot people, and then I would be aroused by it. I don’t get turned on by ugly people.”
I get it!
Do you think that a guy can “just try” sucking cock or getting assfucked and then quit?
“Sure – if it turns out it is something he absolutely hated.
“I think that is more uncommon than not.
“If he’s spent a lot of time fantasizing about it and denying himself, he’ll probably come back to it again. Denial never works.”
All right, so… what are you interested in doing? Do you just issue “commands” via Twitter and then let the subbies carry them out or not? Do you want to see photographic or video-graphic evidence? Or do you prefer to direct, and witness it all go down, live and in person?
“I’ve done it all, from fantasy chat to making men sign contracts to get fucked up the ass. I’ve been in the same room as them while they’re sucking dick and find it quite entertaining.
“I’ve been as involved as directing every movement of the sub, from rimming to tea bagging to deepthroating. Whatever’s clever and gets it done. 😉”
Ha! Nice.
Do you have any limits?
“I’m sure I do within forced bi, but I haven’t realistically found them yet.
“Most men are too scared to reach my limits. 😉”
I love it! Listen up out there! The gauntlet has been thrown down!
How do you feel about guys having gay sex without condoms (i.e., “barebacking”)?
“Only if people come with a clean bill of health.”
Relatedly, some Mistresses insist on safety because Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) in a sub are completely undesirable. Others don’t care either way. Some even profess to find it a turn on to see a guy engage in risky gay sex. How do you feel about STDs and STD risk?
“If I’m the one conducting the activity in person, I prefer it if they are clean, so I am not legally liable.
“If they are going and getting fucked without me, I don’t really care either way.
“They’ll do what they want to do, ultimately.”
Lightning round.
Again, thinking about Forced-Bi encounters, how do you feel about married men…?
“Don’t care.”
Okay, then!
How do you feel about amyl-nitrite inhalers (“poppers”)?
“They’re fun. I use them if the sub has no preexisting conditions and has explicitly asked for it.”
How do you feel about guys really getting addicted to gay sex?
“I mean …why should I care?”
Gotta love sadists!
“If you’re addicted to gay sex, then you’re probably gay.”
Do you have any other fetishes or activities that you like to participate in, direct, or instruct?
“CBT, ballbusting, humiliation, fisting, ruined orgasms, corporal punishment, bondage, medical play…
“You can read more about them on my website at: www.youremybit.ch/interests/.”
Last, but not least: How can fans and other interested persons check out your work? Do you have any social media accounts or websites to share?
“https://twitter.com/Daddy_AnLi
“https://www.instagram.com/mistress_anli/
“https://fetlife.com/users/1322837
“https://clips4sale.com/76961/an-li-s-ass-emporium/cid8060ef8bd840a7761a24096fb3
“https://onlyfans.com/mistress_anli
“https://stars.avn.com/daddy_anli/?code=7b86a
“https://www.sextpanther.com/An-Li”
That was a big “yes”!
Fantastic!
You’ve been a genuine pleasure! Thank you so much for joining me!
Just a reminder to Forced-Bi fans, we now have a Subreddit (Reddit.com/EnforcedBi) devoted to our brand of deviance as well as a few weeks-old Twitter account (Twitter.com/forcedbisexual)! Find us in either corner of the web — or both places! — and say “hi”!
(All photos of Mistress An Li in this post are Copyright 2020 by Mistress An Li. They are reproduced here with permission.)
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